🔐 Keywords | Terminology in Marriage’s Sexiest Secret
📚 *Featuring terms from BDSM and the D|s-M Method by subMrs.com and husDOM.com
🧘♀️ Sexual Techniques Used in Marriage’s Sexiest Secret
🔗 BDSM
BDSM is an acronym and umbrella term that stands for:
- Bondage – The consensual use of restraints to restrict movement (e.g., ropes, cuffs, blindfolds).
- Discipline – Rituals, rules, and consequences used to create structure and guide behavior.
- Dominance & submission (D/s) – A consensual exchange of power where one partner leads and the other surrenders.
- Sadism & Masochism – Giving or receiving intense physical or psychological sensations for pleasure.
In the D|s-M lifestyle, BDSM is the primary sexual technique. D|s-M is not about pain, it’s about power, presence, and polarity. It’s used to deepen trust, ignite erotic energy, and bring spiritual intimacy into marriage. All acts are Safe, Sane, and Consensual, with a focus on long-term connection and sacred surrender.
In addition to BDSM, the D|s-M Method honors and incorporates a variety of ancient and modern sexual techniques that enhance connection, deepen erotic energy, and awaken spiritual intimacy in marriage:
- Kama Sutra – An ancient Indian text not only about positions, but also about sensual pleasure, emotional intimacy, and spiritual union. In D|s-M, Kama Sutra principles can be applied with a Dominant/submissive structure for erotic rituals.
- Tantric Sex – A sacred sexual practice that focuses on breathwork, eye gazing, slow connection, and energy exchange. Tantric techniques in D|s-M help build presence, tension, and sexual polarity.
- Sexual Magick – The intentional use of sexual energy to manifest desires, deepen spiritual purpose, or bond couples in ritual. D|s-M couples will use orgasm control or edging with visualization or spoken affirmations.
- Breathwork & Dantian Energy Play – Borrowed from Eastern traditions and applied in the D|s-M context, couples utilize deep breathing, guided energy movement, and womb focus to foster grounding and connection.
These sexual techniques, when placed within the structure of D|s-M, help couples move beyond basic intercourse into the realm of sacred eroticism, making their marriage the place where mystery, devotion, and desire live together.
Terms used in D|s-M, Marital Dominance and Submission
Method
- D|s-M – Dominance and submission within a Married, Monogamous dynamic. A unique method developed by the creators of Marriage’s Sexiest Secret, subMrs® and husDOM® that blends BDSM structure with the sacredness of committed love. All the edge of BDSM without your relationship getting cut.
- husDOM® – A husband who has consciously stepped into the Dominant role within a D|s-M relationship. He leads, protects, and creates the structure to deepen intimacy and erotic energy.
- subMrs® – A wife who chooses to create, live, and grow in love and trust with her husband in a D|s-M dynamic. She thrives in ritual, dominance, and obedience within the D|s-M marriage container.
- Formal Acceptance – A sacred ritual where both partners agree to step into the D|s-M lifestyle. The husband formally accepts his wife’s submission, and the wife offers herself fully in service and surrender.
- Marriage’s Sexiest Secret™ – The overarching philosophy and lifestyle that brings structure, erotic depth, and connection to long-term monogamous marriage using D|s-M.
🤝 Healthy Relationship Skills & Terms in D|s-M
These terms reflect the foundational emotional, psychological, and communication tools that support a healthy D|s-M marriage:
- Attachment Styles – A psychological model describing how individuals bond and relate in intimate relationships (e.g., secure, anxious, avoidant). Understanding your partner’s style can help strengthen emotional intimacy.
- Conflict Resolution – The methods used by couples to work through disagreements. In D|s-M, structure and roles provide clarity and prevent power struggles, but respectful repair is still essential.
- Emotional Regulation – The ability to recognize, manage, and express your emotions appropriately. Crucial for both husDOMs and subMrs to communicate effectively and grow through scenes, rituals, and triggers.
- Active Listening – A communication technique where one partner truly listens to understand, not just to respond. Practiced during Downtime, Communication, and Check-ins.
- Safe Container – The emotional and energetic space created by the Dominant where the submissive can feel safe to explore, express, and surrender without fear of judgment.
- Boundaries – Clearly communicated personal limits that support consent and mutual respect. In D|s-M, all boundaries are discussed and honored within the dynamic structure.
- Repair & Re-connection – Intentional acts or conversations that restore closeness after emotional distance, missteps, or scene intensity. Tools like Downtime, journaling, Banding, or Wiping the Slate Clean can be used.
These healthy relationship terms form the emotional scaffolding of the D|s-M method, making the power exchange safe, sustainable, and deeply fulfilling for both partners.
- Coaching & Sexology Foundations – The D|s-M Method is influenced by professional studies in coaching psychology and clinical sexology. These disciplines support emotional intelligence, healthy erotic communication, trauma-informed consent practices, and tools for sustainable relationship transformation. This fusion allows couples to explore power exchange with deeper insight, safety, and structure, while also healing intimacy wounds through guided, real-world frameworks. We also offer ongoing support for couples through coaching, community mentorship, and guided resources at subMrs.com, husDOM.com, and MarriagesSexiestSecret.com.
🖤 Core Role Terms
- Dominant (Dom) – The partner who leads, sets a structure, and holds authority in the dynamic.
- Submissive (sub, s-type, subMrs) – The partner who offers the supportive(sub-port) role, obedience, and surrender, trusting the Dom’s leadership.
- Collars: In BDSM, a collar is a device of any material worn by a person to indicate their status as a submissive in a relationship. The collar may be worn by the submissive as a visual indication to others. Collars come in many forms, from practical leather straps to elegant metal chokers or chains. The choice of collar can reflect the personalities and tastes of the dominant and submissive. Collars, depending on their type, are worn during any session or scene, even on a daily basis. They symbolize commitment, trust, and the power dynamics between partners. There are three types in D|s-M.
- Training Collar: A training collar in BDSM and D|s-M are different. In D|s-M a training collar is the collar that is used for scenes, training, and rituals. This collar features the classic leather strap with at least one “O” ring for attachments
- The Formal Collar or Day Collar: Symbolizes the full commitment between Dominant and submissive, much like a wedding ring. It reflects the trust, respect, and love they have for one another. It can be worn to work or around others who are unaware of the D|s-M dynamics.
- Decorative: These collars serve no practical purpose other than aesthetic appeal. But, it’s fun to wear them around and keep people guessing!
- Collaring: Collaring is the act of collaring as a ceremony. The giving/receiving of a Formal Collar is sometimes performed as a ceremony which, like a wedding ceremony, is witnessed by close friends and community members.
- Top/Bottom – Scene-based roles: the Top gives sensation or leads the action, while the Bottom receives it. Can overlap with Dom/sub.
- Switch – A person who enjoys or embodies both Dominant and submissive roles. While D|s-M encourages consistent roles within a marriage for clarity and polarity, the term is commonly used in the broader BDSM world to describe someone who fluidly moves between power roles.
- Swinging – A person or couple who engages in consensual non-monogamy, often exchanging sexual partners with others. While swingers may explore erotic freedom, this is fundamentally different from D|s-M. The D|s-M method is strictly monogamous and centers around power exchange, structure, and devotion between one committed married couple.
- 24/7 – A D|s-M lifestyle where the Dominant and submissive roles are maintained continuously, not just during scenes or sexual activity. It includes rituals, commands, structure, and emotional presence throughout everyday life. This level of commitment requires strong communication, clarity of roles, and mutual trust.
- Bedroom Submission – A dynamic where D|s-M roles are explored exclusively in erotic settings, such as scenes, rituals, or sexual encounters. Outside the bedroom, the couple may engage in a more traditional, or vanilla, relationship model. This is a valid and often powerful entry point into the D|s-M lifestyle for many couples.
🎭 Play & Scene Terms
- Scene – A BDSM interaction or session, often structured with tools, roles, or rituals.
- Protocol – Pre-established rules or rituals, etiquette, that are deemed acceptable behaviors, ranging from formal to casual.
- High Protocol is usually reserved for formal or official occasions (Ceremonies, scenes, official nights out or clubs, the Play Room or Dungeon, Service time).
- Low Protocol is used in most of your daily life. It’s still guided by rules and rituals, as well as etiquette, but it also allows for a casual, normal life to happen, without preventing chores, meals, and free time.
- None|Social Protocol is used in social situations when you do not wish to advertise any BDSM dynamics (dinner with your family, work with colleagues).
- Command – A directive or instruction from the Dominant. The sub responds with prompt, eager obedience.
- Training – Structured learning within the D|s-M method. Training develops erotic response, behavior, mindset, or skill.
- Discipline – Loving correction when expectations are not met. Keeps the structure safe and accountable. We prefer discipline to be verbal rather than physical.
- Aftercare – The physical and emotional support given after a scene. Crucial to reintegration and trust.
- Subdrop – An emotional or physical drop a submissive may experience after intense scenes causing a feeling of emotional vulnerability. Symptoms also include temporary sadness, exhaustion, or confusion. Healed through intentional aftercare and Dominant presence.
- Funishment – A playful or erotic form of “punishment” given for fun, teasing, or roleplay, not for real correction. Often used to spice up scenes, add humor, or explore bratty sub dynamics. Unlike discipline, funishments are not meant to correct behavior but to celebrate the erotic energy of mischief and surrender.
- Breaking (Cathartic Spanking) – A created scene where the subMrs is spanked and f*cked to let out emotions or feelings of needing broken and rebuilt. This can be healthy as it clears emotional space for the subMrs and a good experience for the husDOM in holding space for her to have this time and supporting her through it.
💋 Erotic and Ritual Terms
- Obedience – A subMrs’ act of willfully following the leadership of her husDOM.
- Service – Acts done in devotion, from serving tea to presenting herself for play. Ritualized love in action.
- Mantra – A repeated phrase used to focus the dynamic, especially during rituals or scenes.
- Post-Orgasm Play – A D|s-M practice where the submissive is brought to orgasm before the BDSM scene, allowing for deeper surrender and intensity without the focus on the climax or happy ending.
- Edging – A form of orgasm control. Bringing someone close to orgasm and denying release, building erotic tension and control.
- Formal Kneeling – A submissive’s act of kneeling in reverence or presentation to her Dominant. Used during rituals and milestones.
- The Den, The Burrow, and Wonderland– The inner realms of M.S.S. The Den is where the husDOM leads. The Burrow is where the subMrs softens and surrenders. Wonderland is a nod to Alice and her mad world, where we all gain inspiration.
💬 Method & Communication
- Check-In – A touchpoint between partners to express needs, emotions, or concerns. Situational (play & scenes). Can be a number 1-10 or a Traffic light (red, yellow, and or green)
- Safe Word – A pre-agreed word used to pause or stop any scene or interaction for physical or emotional safety.
- Journaling Ritual – An account from either or both participating in the dynamics, husDOM (black book) from the subMrs, a (diary written or online), reflecting on her feelings, service, or desires. Often shared during downtime.
- Mentorship – Guidance in the D|s-M relationship. (Like those at subMrs.com or husDOM.com) where members learn and grow in their D|s-M roles through interactions with other members, coaching, guides, articles, and courses.
- Downtime Communication (DTC) – A sacred, structured time for couples to discuss their dynamic with intention. The husDOM leads the check-in, often asking, “How is your heart?” while the subMrs reflects on the emotional and erotic landscape of the relationship. Held weekly or biweekly, DTC is essential for alignment, safety, and continued growth in D|s-M.
- Purge (Skeleton Removal) – A key part of the method, a pillar of the setup, involves a couple sitting in their first downtime and purging anything from the past (vanilla) that could hinder them from having a solid foundation. Examples: infidelity, personal or online, resentments, and money, or dysfunctional (past) issues. This may lead to therapy for any dysfunction or a simple coaching session on promise & forgiveness. **
- Wiping the Slate Clean – A D|s-M concept referring to a symbolic or ritual reset of the dynamic. Cleaning up the mess. Often done after a difficult emotional time, a punishment, or a season of disconnection. It’s a deliberate moment where the couple agrees to be flexible, forgive, release, and begin fresh, recommitting to the roles of husDOM and subMrs. Can include ritual kneeling, a mantra, or a simple phrase like, “I see you. I begin again.” Also, the binding exercise can follow this.
⚠️ IMPORTANT NOTE: There is NO place in BDSM or D|s-M for domestic violence, manipulation, or coercion. All power exchange is consensual, negotiated, and respectful. If it resembles abuse, it is not BDSM. Period.
