MSS015 – Impact Play

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

spanking, impact, partner, play, areas, people, erotic, submissive, slapping, bdsm, scene, couples, learn, practice, dominance, husband, communities, talk, implements, dominant

SPEAKERS

Mr Fox , Little Kaninchen

Little Kaninchen  

Do you want to know a secret

Mr Fox   

secret?

Little Kaninchen  

Do you want to have a secret? A dirty little secret? A secret that you build and share with your spouse? A secret that’s so magical and so intimate in ways you could only imagine. Oh, come on, wink wink, you must be the smallest bit curious. Marriage has a sexy new secret secret, a relationship accessory of sorts. The secret fulfills the wife’s need for deep emotional connection with her husband. And then fulfills the husband’s desire for his wife’s trust and respect. Compelled on the rabbit hole, and into the foxes den, where Mr. Fox and I share all of our secrets are secrets they will inspire you to explore, create and build marital sexual magic and better your communication skills. Let us take you on a journey that leads you both to what you desire most a sexy successful marriage. So pick up that bottle that says drink me go ahead and toss it back. In other words, drink our kool aid we can give you all the edge without you or your marriage ever getting cut. And as in today’s preview or voyeurs glimpse we talk about the art of impact play. This is not a how to but an introduction to what is impact way and why do we like it? According to lifestyle experts for the last year or two the most popular clarity wellness method out there has all been about the whys the five why’s Well, it’s always been about the whys here in our community wink wink on some misses and has DOM February’s communities theme is a dozen red roses. Not meaning your run of the mill red roses you get on Valentine’s Day. Not that us and Mrs. mind getting real dozen or two roses on that special romantic holiday. Okay hearing Mr. Pie hear you okay. The dozen red roses that we’re focusing on in February are the rosy red spots on your skin after some impact play. We will be having our couples doing a coming up rosy exercise and challenge all month. So let’s get planning.

Mr Fox   

Greetings. This is your resident marital influencers and creators of marriages sexiest secret. I’m Mr. Fox, and I’m okay. Are you ready for the chase down the rabbit hole and into the foxes den? I am well then let’s talk some impact play. All right. Okay, I think we’re going to start today with a warning label. All impact play must be done in a consensual manner, even between a husband and a wife, especially husband and wife, meaning that both partners have talked about impact play, defined what they deem is acceptable and what is unacceptable. And then given their Go ahead, safely explore the play. There should certainly never be any unexpected impact. Right? Unexpected or on agreed to impact is abuse. We advise if there is any impact on without your approval or consent, call read. Stop the scene. Consider re evaluating or setting the boundaries. A dominant has no right to go outside of the submissives specified boundaries or limits. Otherwise, it is considered abuse. Even if you are married, especially if you’re married. A submissive is giving her dominant her trust and trusts is one of the core principles or foundations of a DSM relationship. It is something that takes a long time to build in only a second to destroy. Do not do anything that will damage your trust in you as the dominant not even as much as tarnish her trust. Every action that we take should be trust building, making her feel safe. A great place to begin before ever venturing into BDSM play with your partner is open and honest communication. What would you like to try and what things are not going to happen? The best time and place to be clear about this is before having a scene. filling out a limits list together is also a great way to know what is desired and what is out of limits. The limits list is how you actually explore and set those limits and learn about each other. You can get a free limits list that we created for married and long term relationship monogamous couples on both Huzzah, md.com and submissives.com. The limits list can be found on any article page on has dom.com. And the limits list is found on the homepage on the bottom of the homepage on submissives.com. It’s free, so download it today. It is also important to establish a safe word or a signal that can be used to stop the activity if either partner becomes uncomfortable, or if the activity becomes unsafe. Let’s define

Little Kaninchen  

impact play because I think a lot of people misunderstand what impact play actually is. So let me give you the definition and then we’ll go a little deeper. So impact play is a practice in which one person is repeatedly struck by another person for sexual or even non sexual gratification, non sexual gratification. Yeah, it’s really a stress reliever, they find that people that practice doing impact play are usually less stressed out.

Mr Fox   

Okay, I see that at first. At first you had me I was thinking, Wait a minute,

Little Kaninchen  

and it could be for one partner or another partner. It actually relieves stress. So I’m not saying go out and do impact play just for stress relief, but I’m saying it is it does actually give you stress relief to actually have impact play or do impact play. So but it is a regular practice when you’re practicing BDSM which we know or maybe don’t know that BDSM is a variety of often erotic practices or role playing involving bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related interpersonal dynamics and they are activities and all play or scenes, recessions, whatever you want to call them. The spanking, flagellation, or slapping are all done by a dominant or top partner while the receiver is the submissive is the sub or submissive or bottom partner.

Mr Fox   

Wait a minute here so if you the sub, if you’re the receiver, that means I’m the giver. I’ve never heard anybody describe me as a giver.

Little Kaninchen  

Yes, you are definitely a gift that keeps giving Alright, so let’s go a little deeper I promised we go deeper. So let’s talk about erotic spanking first, because I feel like it’s probably the most wanted the most desired the easiest thing for couples to kind of step into and also missus, I have a great article on how to spank what spanking is all about. If you’re the Spanky or the Spank go, it’s great to learn how to spank you’re

Mr Fox   

in you know, I love all this impact stuff. The erotic spanking for what I visualized for you and I for erotic spanking is by far my favorite thing that we do. It’s the most intimate I think

Little Kaninchen  

it is it’s the most intimate without having penetration. Ya know, many times our spankings end up in penetration, but it doesn’t have to. It can be very intimate. That’s such a weird thing. It kind of breaks open your soul and and you kind of like let a lot of stuff out. Again, I think it’s also stress relieving, but we’ll get back to erotic spankings. They are the act of spanking an adult partner for sexual arousal or gratification for either of both partners. spankings may be playful and quick or much more deep and prevalent. There’s different spanking techniques such as flat, bounce, Swat and grab. So if you think about that, that’s pretty interesting. It’s a great technique, not to mention the position that the bottom or the sub is put in for the spanking makes a big difference and achieving different sensations, either the study or the stinging, or maybe even a perfect mix of both. There’s a true art to spanking every couples perfect spanking is as unique as they are. So one person’s perfect spanking will be different than any other person’s perfect spanking. So, spanking impact involves the use of a Hassan’s or tops hand or a variety of rigid spanking implements. The spanking is most times administered on the bare bone. So some even practice best finito, which is erotic foot spanking. This is a practice spanking the souls of the partner have their bare feet. It can be very enjoyable. Believe me right now love you. We’re going oh, a long, long time ago, it was a form of basically torturing somebody, but one person is torture can be another person’s pleasure.

Mr Fox   

In the right moment, the right technique it can be can be explosive.

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah. And many times when we’ve gone to workshops, it’s a lot of talk about torturing people’s feet when they do that, but actually it can be a very pleasurable, just tapping the bottom of the feet is very pleasurable. And if you haven’t tried it, maybe you should, in a dominance dismission scene spanking rituals many times combined with bondage in order to heighten the sexual stimulation of the spanking experience. So tying somebody down or keeping their arms or legs from Moving can actually excite the experience, right? So implements are tools and toys such as paddles, canes, dowel rods, writing crops. There’s so many tools or toys you can use. I will hand over the next section to Mr. Fox, this is probably one of his favorite things. This type of play has a fine line to follow. Mr. Fox is one of the best when it cuts to deciphering these fine lines.

Mr Fox   

All right, okay. We’re gonna talk about erotic slapping. You slap anywhere on the body, but we usually see it like Face Slapping, slapping, or ladies slapping. I’m going to begin this subject by reminding everyone that this is not porn. Porn is focused on getting the person on the other end of the computer screen aroused. And what we’re talking about is real life. And our focus is about creating and providing pleasure. It doesn’t matter what it looks like visually. What matters is that she is left in a quivering pool of sexual satisfaction and that she wants more face tit and labia and or quit slapping have the same basic physical fundamentals as as spanking, I consider slapping to be a more advanced sexual play, that tends to carry more emotional and physical risks than just spanking somebody’s ass. The emotional risks are both for the sob and the DOM. For many of us men, the idea of slapping or striking or hitting a woman is abominable. The thought of it makes some men feel wicked and evil, and rightfully so. When put in that context, I’m disgusted and offended. There can be a fine line between pleasure and abuse. Know what you are doing. And be careful. Be sure that you’ve discussed this type of play in great detail in you know what her desires are, as well as their limits, and as well as your own limits. Some men no matter what just can’t cross this line, and there’s nothing wrong with that. limits don’t need a reason and they don’t need justification, right? They’re just what they are, but you must respect them at all times. Also consider as the dominant as the leader, and the choreograph or of the scene. Sometimes her desires may not always be what is best for her. Sometimes she may want something that she’s seen in a movie, or a meme. It is your charge to find a way to give her that experience without injury or regret. It may not have to be exactly what she is seeing in her mind’s eye to give her that same experience that same feeling. Before moving into this type of slapping make sure to have your ask slapping mastered practicing with a meteor more absorbing canvas and or larger surface areas like a glute muscle is good before doing any impact with the bonier or smaller, more intimate and fragile areas like the labia or the clit or cheeks of the face or breasts or anything like that. Remember, if you’re slapping Arias like her tits, her face is in range of your motion. So protect her eyes and her face with the mask. I’m realizing okay, I’m about to move on to erotic flagellation. Yes. And I get to talk about floggers. Yeah, sorry. Do

Little Kaninchen  

you want to do this part for sure.

Mr Fox   

I’m so excited about this entire podcast because I moved from erotic spanking which is like the most intimate thing I think I get to do to spanking to slapping to Teddy slapping and labia slapping and now I mean, I get to move right into vlogging

Little Kaninchen  

you get all the good part I do. I love this entire podcast, you don’t get all of the flagellation

Mr Fox   

erotic flagellation works much in the same way as erotic spanking and slapping. The submissive struck with a flexible implement, such as a flogger, a whip, a belt, something like that by her husband. Some flowers and whips are generally classified by how many falls they have. I’ve learned that geographically some of the names of the various implements will be used differently so don’t get hung up on the term that someone may be using for a certain implement. A very basic guideline would be single tales, such as a bullwhip snakes, squirts signals, Dragon Tails, all those types of whips right they have a single fall and then you have floggers in general and floggers in my mind have many leather false and they don’t have to be leather I guess but they have many false

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah, Mr. Fox and I can see how you may entertain spanking and flagellation with some of the implemented use so don’t get caught up in that definition. As this is a way for us to feed you the information in somewhat organized manner.

Mr Fox   

I might even interchange some of those terms right like I might slap your policy I feel terrible Senate stuff on there. You already did. Okay, but I might slap your policy and I might spank your policy but I’m really in my mind. I’m doing the same And thanks. So sometimes I interchange those words myself. Yes. Not a big deal. Don’t get hung up on it.

Little Kaninchen  

Yes, just like the implements that you’re using can be used different. Some people would interchange what? flagellation and what spanking is. So don’t get caught up in those things.

Mr Fox   

Okay, since I’ve already got to talk about most of my favorite things today in this podcast episode, I’m pretty excited. But we’re right here on flogger, so it seems like a great time to talk about floggers, and Fox and hair. As some of you may know the fox in hair shop is a shop that’s associated with sub Mrs. Huzzah calm and marriages sexiest secret. We carry branded merchandise as well as toys and tools used for your intimacy. In 2021 In an effort to make a better flogger, we enlisted the help of a master leather craftsman. Together we have developed what I feel are the very best foggers money can buy. We focus on many different attributes during our research and development phase including building floggers that are easy to use and the least likely to cause unintended injury or pain. In other words, we have the perfect beginner floggers among our collection.

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah, so head on over to Fox in hair.com and experience the chase.

Mr Fox   

Yay. And I know I’m plugging ourselves but if you’re really new to this and you’re thinking about getting into flogging or anything like that, i i so strongly recommend that you will not be disappointed in our floggers. It really is designed to give you the very best experience. So highly recommend you go over there and look at those folders.

Little Kaninchen  

Me too. Okay, so let’s talk a little about safety and impact. Yeah, the area of impact, right. The area that impact plays safest on a human body are the ones with the most protected by a fat layer or a muscle. So the less padding, the more intense feeling the impact will be and it will also be closer to internal organs and bones that you could damage area. So avoid our kidneys, neck, tailbone, hip bones, the head and all of the joints.

Mr Fox   

And it makes sense. I mean, that’s what you just described, right? There’s very little protective muscle or fat over any of those areas.

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah, and that’s again why we talked about the glutes. Start with the glutes and then move on to other more intricate areas but master the glute first, you’ll be much happier as a couple if you start by mastering the glutes. The usual targets for flagellation or spankings are the buttocks and the two areas of the upper back around the shoulder blades never exactly in the middle on the spine. Obviously it’s a bony area doesn’t have any protection really. So you can also mark areas, but really with great care the thighs, the backs of the calves, and the chest can be used for moderate play, not heavy play heavy play. Again, we would limit it to the fattier areas of the body. So breasts face and any internal labia areas are great marks but they are a high risk territory. So Hassan’s find that awareness of your brawn and experiment with yourself and work your way up to those more high risk territories. In DSM we want to always make sure that we’re working toward our partners. Pleasure.

Mr Fox   

Exactly, that’s what it’s all about. So okay, we’re going to talk about rapping as well. The use of floggers whips or belts means that has Dom’s must take great care to hit the intended target area, those areas that you just went over and sort of outlined for us. And then we try to avoid doing something that’s called rapping. And for those that don’t know, rapping is when one of these implements that we’re using for the impact makes contact with the target areas somewhere up its length, and the remaining length wraps around the subs body to deliver a sharp non erotic and possibly injurious blow, such as to the hip bones or ribs. A lot of times that extra length that’s wrapping, if you think about hitting a table with a belt and four inches, that belt is hanging over the table, it swings faster and will have much sharper impact on the skin. So you’re more likely to break the scan or leave a weld or something like that with rapping. The longer the falls, the more chance for wrapping in the more skill required by the husband to lay on that safe impact. This is where knowledge and the correct equipment and practice pays dividends.

Little Kaninchen  

Okay, let’s go on to impact reminders. So these are just little reminders, Mr. Fox and I have learned through our last 11 years of doing these things, we just have these little things that come to our mind and we just want to cover these really quick with impact play.

Mr Fox   

So it’s not All Inclusive is just a good guideline.

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah, just a few little hints. Never spank or be spanked when angry, for obvious reasons. Yeah, it makes sense. Like, if you’re angry, walk away. Don’t ever think about spanking your partner.

Mr Fox   

That’s not a good time for intimacy. No. Sit down is a good time for an intimate conversation.

Little Kaninchen  

Right and spanking you’re not a child, you’re not spanking for punishment is not, you know, it’s not acceptable for anybody. So let’s just say never spank or be spanked when you’re angry. So if you’re angry about something, and you’re serious about to give you a spanking, and you’re angry, you should talk about the anger to as a submissive, but way before you let him put his hands on you, right? So don’t come angry

Mr Fox   

in any way. Don’t make any action in life out of anger. Yes.

Little Kaninchen  

When first starting out, you may want to have a punishment, right? Because everybody raves about these great punishments and all these great magazines and books. But please know if you push your SIR into doing something that he will wake up the next day and regret, you may never be able to talk him back into having the dynamic again, read up on punishment versus punishment on some mises.com A lot of answers there. Don’t lead him into force him sometimes into doing I hear it over and over with some misses. Trying to get him to do something to punish you as for fun, but then it ends up really not being fun. And it leaves you both feeling empty the next day and leaves a bad taste in your husband’s mouth where you will never be able to get him to breach the halls of being a Muslim.

Mr Fox   

Yeah, like you say there’s a difference in some of this terminology. It gets confusing when you get on the internet and start reading about it. And I don’t want to get too far off on punishments. But what I would say is that when you have that type of question, that’s what Discord is really, for you come to our community on Discord. And you can ask a lot of people that have done what you’re about to do or thinking of doing or considering doing right. There’s a lot of people with a lot of experience and there’s a great opportunity to reach out and just ask some people their thoughts and their feelings. That’s what it’s all about.

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah, so read up on punishment versus a Phoenician they’re totally two different things and and please, you know, do that so that’s your first little reminder that was deep. Okay, so then our next one is do not do any spankings when either partner has been drinking more than I would say two drinks. I think I had written one. But we’re even going to push it to two you can have two drinks, but do not spank or be spanked past that limit. Just because the lack of good communication due to intoxication but drinking thins the blood, there can be many complications with a submissive body. The Least of all of those complications will be you bruise much worse. If the submissive is on any blood thinning medications, it’s best to talk to a doctor regarding any impact whatsoever. So if you’re on any medication that thins your blood, I wouldn’t even take an ibuprofen before you’re doing any impact, it actually won’t have you bruising worse, as for taking aspirin, like I said, or any over the counter blood thinning meds, just don’t take them before your player scenes. So that’s my second little tip on impact. After care, we’re gonna talk a little bit about that aftercare must be done after every impact scene, you know the old saying return it in better condition than when you even got it. So think of it the same way. Not only the husband who’s controlling the scene, but this also goes through the services. You can read all about aftercare on both of our sites. But the Hassan’s aftercare is about physically making it right and emotionally making sure you’re good before and after the scene. The submissive many times puts herself last. Try to make a before care and aftercare list for yourself. Include in your list, hydration, supplements, lotions, heater, ice, thick blankets, most of all, bring your honesty to the before and the after, speak up, review the impact after tell your fears if you’re having some before always communicate if you’re not sure what to say it doesn’t matter what you really say just say I’m not understanding this or kind of like having cold feet, just communicate that to your partner, you both be so much happier and more fulfilled afterwards.

Mr Fox   

The communication is huge on that and as a dominant you should be asking to what do you need and after care, it may be different it may be different every time and sometimes like I think okay, saying she may not be able to answer you in the moment. Before the scene you should have the idea what does she like? What will she need? Will she need he right whatever

Little Kaninchen  

are we talk about chickens, chickens, chickens, like checking before? You know, are you having any hesitations? Is there anything you want me to know before we get started? You know, check in right. How are you feeling right now?

Mr Fox   

And aftercare mostly you can ask in the moment but if they’re really in subspace they’re not going to know they’re gonna be like, Oh, I feel fine. Yeah, you will have to have that list and those things and this should develop over time.

Little Kaninchen  

Okay your hands Mr. Fox,

Mr Fox   

oh, where to began. A dominant needs to be consistently learning his submissives spankings tolerance, her capacity to endure continued subjection to impact. He also needs to learn his own dominance brawn or his physical strength, right? So when using instruments consider the length and the leverage of that particular instrument, as well is like the radius of a swing right? Are you just using your wrist? Are you swinging your whole arm, all of those factors will influence the result on the receiving end of that tool. Finding your emotional balance is also really important with impact play right? In the beginning, a new husband may have a battle raging inside himself. He knows that striking or hitting a woman is abuse and it is. So speaking for myself, I can tell you that I experienced some real conflict when I first began to impact play with okay, not to even mention that I felt like a monster the very first time I left marks on her. You can read about that on Azzam. If you’re interested to learn more about my personal experience, the article is called badges of honor. It really is insightful, and will help a lot of men ease into the mindset of impact play. Certain tools like proper communication downtime also helped me understand what LK wanted, how she was feeling, and how the impact felt to her physically. I would also suggest anybody to take this slow, write too little is good, too much is too much. So you can’t do too little. So I would say start really small and start slow. I think LK mentioned check ins earlier, you want to make sure that you’re checking in with your submissive often to ensure where she’s at. And it’s important to realize that she’s not necessarily where you think she is. So you will need to do check ins along the way. Get a proper warmup is crucial, right, you have to start small start light, and you have to build from there. Never lose sight. That impact play is about her pleasure.

Little Kaninchen  

That’s a super important thing. You’re also gaining pleasure, I have to say that

Mr Fox   

I’m getting a lot of pleasure from it. But really, the pleasure that I’m gaining, I believe is by knowing that I’m choreographing this whole scene. And I’m doing all this and watching you receive pleasure out of what I’m giving you. That’s my pleasure. So I think different people come from different perspectives on it. But it’s not like my pleasures first. It’s like on a personal level, I’m getting my pleasure from giving you yours. Is that weird?

Little Kaninchen  

No, that’s exactly why I think 99.999% of us already, probably 98.999% of us probably do it,

Mr Fox   

which goes back to the mindfuck of impact play on a guy’s mind or on my mind. Because if I were to strike you in any way, and now I’m not talking about hitting you, but I’m saying if I were to slap your tetes or do any of those things, we’re talking about our spank you and you didn’t enjoy it. I would feel like a monster.

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah, and you bring up a great subject matter that could be an entire post. And I think we have done an entire thing about mindfuck. But in impact play, using some of these tools and stuff and smacking them beside the submissive or on something beside the submissive ratchets up everything, you know, but no, when you can do that work into giving her little surprises like that, that you that you’re making her think it’s gonna come out harsh, and then it’s actually very light. That’s something that always makes me smile, like, I’m sure I’m smiling outside, just like I want to inside when you take the crop and you hit something beside me that kind of wakes me up. And that also gets me excited, like, what’s he going to do? You know, so keep the mindfuck in your impact. Like just, you know, you’re not using the sub, but you might use a table or a chair or something and just smack that with whatever you’re using just to get her attention or just to get her excited about what’s about to happen.

Mr Fox   

Yes, there’s so much to be said on mindfuck. Because there’s things you can lay out even in the beginning everybody scenes differently. But LK spends a lot of the time blindfolded when there’s things that I can lay out so she can intentionally see. And most things she never gets to see. And I might lay out something completely scary that I’d never strike her with. But when she’s blindfolded, she has no idea what’s coming or what’s not. Yeah,

Little Kaninchen  

or before the scene lay stuff out that you’re not really even going to use what I’m saying yeah, like lay out something and I’ll be like, Oh my gosh, what is he going to do? I’m so excited. When you first start out to remember your submissive she might be a little bit scared. You might have to preempt by saying you know I like Some of the stuff out here just to get your reaction meet your son, Mrs. where she’s at.

Mr Fox   

Right? And if she’s not there, you don’t have to lay it out to build, like if you don’t start with laying out the bullet.

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah, no, I wouldn’t do that. You know what your partner’s tolerances are as far as what will scare her and what will get her excited,

Mr Fox   

like you say, even striking something beside where you’re at, right? Like Dragon Tails, there’s things that you don’t even have to use on her that’ll, that you can smack over your head and just make the most horrific slapping sound, you can take a belt, fold it in half and just smack the two ends together and it creates a super loud crack. Yes, I mean, there’s lots of things you can take a crop, and just wish it through the air. And you know, you’ve seen people with dowel rods and stuff. You hear the swoosh going through the air. Right. But you don’t have to striker when you do it. No, it’s

Little Kaninchen  

just all about that Miss fear. Yeah, building atmosphere, we always talk about building the atmosphere without

Mr Fox   

the mindfuck. Right? Right. All right. So how to do impact play sessions or scenes as a married dominant, or as a married submissives? If you really want to learn more, I mean, we just were hitting the high level stuff, it’s almost impossible to do a podcast and teach somebody how to do this, would you agree?

Little Kaninchen  

Right, we’re really saying what it is, today, we’re not really telling you a how to. So if you want to learn how to do impact player scenes, Mr. Fox is going to cover that for you.

Mr Fox   

So really, okay, what I would say is if you want to learn how to do the impact play and scenes, join one of our communities submissives or has dom.com Among those communities, you’re going to find other people that are just like you, that probably share some of the same concerns, some of the same struggles, probably some of the same successes. That’s where the how tos of impact play, you’re gonna be right along with many other sexual techniques within the BDSM. realm.

Little Kaninchen  

Yes, and met different people have different techniques. And when they share those, you can kind of pick up what you like, and throw away what you don’t.

Mr Fox   

I think it’s interesting in training when they share little tidbits, and it’s like, oh, my gosh, you know, I can incorporate some of that, or I used to do that, why don’t I do it anymore, that kind of stuff. It’s very inspirational for myself,

Little Kaninchen  

right? Because our focus, for some reason has stopped delivering all the edge of all these sexual techniques and skills in a way that you and your marriage will not get cut from.

Mr Fox   

Right, which is really important. And you know, there’s a process to learning, right, and it really begins with awareness. And that’s what we feel the podcast is like, that’s that was our goal today is to raise the awareness of impact play. If it’s something that you may want to try or specific areas of it, you might want to incorporate into something into play that you already do. Whatever it looks like for you. I think today, the podcast is awareness.

Little Kaninchen  

Right. And then we move on to the academic, which is more learning about it or reading about it,

Mr Fox   

right, which is on our website, we have a lot of different articles that you can read to get some of the basics that really gets you started. And then you really move into it you have to experience and how to experience it as with your partner, right, and we give you those tools during the academic part, how to communicate properly, how to set up a limits list, how to get safe words, how to really get started and then experiencing it, we gave you some fundamental areas to begin. And that’s where you begin making it your own. But it has to do with practice and consistency. That’s you and your partner, getting to play together and talk about it and discuss it and have downtimes and aftercare and start to grow and learn your own your own journey.

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah, so let me go over the few steps awareness. So get aware. The next step is academic. So you’re going to learn about it. So you read about it. Right? Then we talk about experiencing it. And then part of experiencing something is practicing it consistently. Start putting little bits of play and doing impact like little tiny scenes. Practice on yourself on your leg on your pillow anywhere. And

Mr Fox   

trust me too. It’s so will feel a little different to her because I do that a lot. Like I’ll get a flogger, I want to feel how it feels. So I’ll strike my thigh or I’ll strike my calf. But I can tell you the sensitivities of those areas on my body are still less than what it is where I’m striking. Okay, so even as a guy when you do that, you feel it you go oh, this is what it feels like. It probably is more intense on her shoulders or on her bottom or whatever. So still be careful. It’s a great idea. I do that. I still do it with everything but it generally is more sensitive for her it doesn’t translate

Little Kaninchen  

over equally. Yeah, self flagellation.

Mr Fox   

That just sounds third.

Little Kaninchen  

Try it out. Try it out. I’m just gonna say try it out just a little bit.

Mr Fox   

So the fourth step that we have is talk about it with your partner. That is the discussion after the scene right and may not be able to have it right afterwards. It depends on where her headspace is at where your headspace is that right? Because the most important thing at that point is after care, but it is I’m sort of downtime later on, to receive that feedback on what it was like for her. And guys, yes, you’re allowed to also let her know what it was like for you? Was it difficult for you to actually strike her in any way? Or what was going through your mind? Right? It’s fair for her to know those things as well. Because if you’re new to this, and you’re a kind, loving husband, you’re going to struggle with some of these things in the beginning, I think. And then what would you do after that, okay?

Little Kaninchen  

Well, we’ve done awareness, the academic reading about it, or experience it by practicing consistently, or talking about it with our partners in downtime, are getting their feedback button, of course, like you should be joining our communities. There, you can speak to many mentors, you’re surrounding yourself by others, all of this five step process is the best way to learn any skill, you’re going to surround yourself by others that are doing the exact same thing that you’re wanting to do, but and they’re doing it successfully. These aren’t just people getting on saying we’re doing it, and they’re not doing it, the couples that are in our communities, they are actually physically doing these things, and have been where you are. So surround yourself by others that are doing the same thing. You’ll learn what worked for some what doesn’t work for some, you can, again, take what is gonna work for you try different things that people are trying and see what works,

Mr Fox   

right or bits and pieces. And you got to at the end there, because I was going to add what might even be more important, what you get to learn from other people also is what might not have worked. That’s even more important. Even if it didn’t work. Somebody might say, you know, this is what happened during my first time, and it was great. We were both very happy. But if I had a second first time, these are the things I would have changed, like that kind of information is invaluable. And I think when we share it among ourselves as the dominance and even as the submissives. I think that’s when grill wisdom is shared among us.

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah, it’s really it’s, it’s, it’s part of a very important process. So every single step there, all five of those steps are important and learning, impact play learning BDSM, learning relationship skills, learning about intimacy, it applies those steps applies to all of those,

Mr Fox   

guys, if you do come over to join, don’t just be a receiver, because then nobody’s learning. And it’s the giving and receiving where the learning takes place. So if you do join, if you come over to learn, make sure that you’re also helping others learn from your experiences.

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah, even if you’re brand new, you can say I’m brand new. And this is what we’ve done. So far. This is what I want to do. You know, there’s there’s so much to talk about, even if you’re like, Well, we haven’t done anything yet. Well, what is it you want to do? Right? You

Mr Fox   

have to put the questions out there because people aren’t people can’t answer a question that’s not asked. And I want to say to this often the questions from the new people that I learned the most from at this point, because after you’ve been in it for so many years, sometimes you just keep seeing the same thing over and over. And it’s when somebody has a fresh perspective, where you go, Oh, wait a minute, and you can actually I think grow more in a shorter period of time when a new person asks just the raw genuine out of left field question.

Little Kaninchen  

Yeah, the only dumb question is what when that’s not asked. Right. So, yep. Okay, so our communities offer each person or couple a place to do all of those things above, we separate our dominant community from our submissive community purposely, that’s really important. Yes, this way, so each partner can feel free to explore the roles as the individual that they are. We are building the individual and then bringing both partners together for our monthly couple chats.

Mr Fox   

Which we have one tonight. Yes, matter of fact, it’s going to be on what nipples nipple play will play. I can’t wait to talk about I love nipples. You know, as we have these discussions, I find out all I like I love all this stuff. Huh, that’s connected,

Little Kaninchen  

I think, is that crazy? Yeah. So again, we separate our communities. So the dominant can have a place to talk about his dominance and not have a bunch of services, listening to his growth and what he’s wondering about and he can grow as an individual, his leadership skills, he’ll expand on that. What else Mr. Fox, do you really focus on? When it’s a dominant individual

Mr Fox   

to me, when I break down dominance, I break it down to leadership. And then for us DSM is all encompassing, right? Like, we consider ourselves to Yes, in the bedroom, which is part of BDSM it’s kink for us and then out of the bedroom. It’s more of a leadership relationship, and it’s building yourself as a leader in life, being a better man concentrating on being a better husband and being a better house DOM and just leading your family and leading in life like you just start growing as a person.

Little Kaninchen  

Yes, and end up do all this is much more and I say so many times this is an individual journey just as much as it is a couple’s journey so

Mr Fox   

much bigger than cake. Yes, they can’t guess the ice a byproduct but you’d say frosting,

Little Kaninchen  

frosting on the cake, the sprinkles sprinkles, but I quit call the sprinkles. Yeah. We really are building the individual and bringing everybody together and our couple chats and we literally do have the best and most seasoned some misses and has dawns on our community in the world. The first step if you decide to move forward is deciding what it is a sparked your interests. What do you desire? Maybe come and do some coaching with me at secret intimacy coach.com Some women are not so sure about that word submissive. And I could do a whole podcast on being submissive does not mean you are weak, or you are to be just used like a doormat. It’s exactly the opposite. It’s kind of like if you’ve ever seen the meme, and I think everybody at this point, probably has seen a meme where it says behind a good king is his queen. And it’s a lioness standing actually in front of her sir, in front of her lion, you can kind of think of it like that. There’s a leader and a follower acting roles,

Mr Fox   

say supporter. Yeah, like I don’t think you follow me know,

Little Kaninchen  

it’s more supportive. I’m sorry, it’s a leading role in a supporting role. And one, you can’t have one without the other. Being the supporter is a gift to your husband, to your marriage. I would say that we literally have the best couples in the world doing that. Like I said, first step, if we have sparked your interest, find out what it is you desire, maybe do some coaching with me at secret intimacy. coach.com It’s secret intimacy. coach.com. I do vanilla coaching. I do energy coaching. I do intimacy coaching for couples and individuals come and talk to me if you want to think about submission and if it might be right for you. Okay, he’s been a coach for a couple years. Yeah, I’ve been a coach since 2016. So visit me on secret intimacy coach.com. The second step is again, join Thomas’s or husband.com and read away there are so many articles and all types of topics on BDSM other sexual techniques and intimacies. Then read books, read read, I tell everybody read books, fictional nonfictional, you can learn so much just from reading about imaginary experiences and real experiences. So experience it. We talked about what we do, and porn are not the same thing. But I tell people you can learn a lot from porn is inspiring. Yes, if you’re trying to experience it, don’t go to the sites where it’s going off the rails, you just want to watch something and realize that you recognize that it’s mostly just fictional. It’s not real. It’s not a how to, but it does actually inspire and give you ideas.

Mr Fox   

Even in the porn, she may not be getting satisfaction, she may not even be enjoying it, she’s getting paid to do it. And it might just be to heighten our arousal. And again, as dominance, that’s not our goal. It’s not to heighten our own arousal it is to give her pleasure. So I think porn can give a lot of ideas, but it’s not the roadmap, you just can’t walk up to her. We’re talking about impact today just can’t walk up to her slap her in the face and think she’s gonna get wet like that. Maybe some women work that way. But I don’t know of

Little Kaninchen  

any. Yeah, yeah, that’s fictional, right?

Mr Fox   

That’s what I’m talking about. When I say it’s not porn, you have to work up to that, right. And you have to have layers of intimacy. And when you get to impact play, you have to start soft, start small.

Little Kaninchen  

While you’re experiencing it, you’re going to put things into practice consistency is is the key. Learn our startup and maintenance methods, we have a startup method that takes the guesswork and the would have should have could have all out of it. So we have the startup method. And then where you take it after to startup method is up to you and your husband. So come to some SS sign up, learn about the method, then we have maintenance chats where you can come in and monthly find out what can I be doing to make sure that we’re practicing and having a great lifestyle, right? Make sure that you’re practicing with the intent to progressively get better in your role and improve your relationship. As long as you have great intent. It will follow

Mr Fox   

and that’s what being a leader is right? What are you doing, you’re trying to always better yourself you’re always trying to get especially those supporting you, trying to make a safe environment for them, protect them and make a better place

Little Kaninchen  

always becoming more correct. So I love it. Yeah. And then the fourth step is talk to others that are married and monogamous. We’re going right back over the same thing again. If you haven’t already joined our communities do so as soon as possible. Every person has been in your shoes and wants to help you learn. They learn by actually helping others to learn, they’re paying it forward. So if you both are comfortable to go to workshops, toy shops, events outside of your area, you know, those are wonderful places to learn to. But you don’t have to do that right in the beginning, you can work your way into those things. But you’ll find that your local toy shop, you know, most times, even if it’s the grittiest toy shop, you go inside of those places, and the people behind those registers are so knowledgeable, you don’t have to be embarrassed, you can go in there and not hide behind a hoodie or anything you can go in, ask questions, that’s what they’re there for. And a lot of times are pretty darn knowledgeable

Mr Fox   

and have a normal conversation. It’s not weird to them.

Little Kaninchen  

It’s not strange, it’s not dirty to them. I can’t tell you how many stores I have been in at this point. But the people behind the register are real, and they’re knowledgeable. With that, I just want to tell everybody or remind everybody, we hold national events. So please watch our Discord community for information about our upcoming events for 2023. COVID kind of knocked us on our butts. And people really we couldn’t really get people together for the last couple years. But we’re trying to change that in 2023. Well, that’s it everybody, we we hope that you enjoyed our podcast that you’re in now, at least know what impact is. And if you have an interest in it, you know how to figure out how to start doing it with your partner. So it’s one of the probably the most important skillful things you’ll learn in BDSM.

Mr Fox   

All right, everybody, before we wrap up this episode of marriages sexiest secret, I just want to say that okay, and I have personally committed to ourselves that we’re going to do one episode a month. So please follow us. We’re going to start coming out with more and more podcasts. While I say that, please go to your podcast app, give us a like and give us a review. Because that helps us with visibility within those podcasts apps quite a bit and we want to grow. We want to grow and find more people just like you to join people that are like us.

Little Kaninchen  

Yes, please, please leave us a good review.

Mr Fox   

Alright. Okay. What else would you like to say before we go?

Little Kaninchen  

Today, I just wanted to come back and remind everybody that I am an intimacy coach. I’m also your resident marital influencer. And I offer life energy coaching, which is like a vanilla coaching along with my main focus on intimacy coaching for individuals and couples. I mentor coach the startup method of DSM. And that means I’m walking you through the startup, as well as I offer situational clarity coaching as well. So if you have those situations, you’re not sure what to do or you just need to talk them through with somebody. I offer that coaching as well. I can also help you with finding answers to even the ultimate question is DSM or marriage a sexy secret for me? Is that for my partner, please email me at secret intimacy coach@gmail.com For more information, or just a sign up for a session, you have direct access to me through some mises.com Discord community. So I hope that we chat soon.