MSS007 – How to ask husband for Dominance and submission in marriage

Mr Fox   00:17

Welcome to the Marriages Sexiest Secret Podcast. We are your host today Mr. Fox and LK. The owners and creators of Marriages Sexiest Secret. Let’s give everyone a voyeur’s glimpse of today’s episode. LK.

Little Kaninchen  00:33

Okay, so today, on this podcast, we’re going to cover the subMrs community review February. And then we’re going to go into how to ask for the dynamic, which is what we call the Formal Acceptance part.

Little Kaninchen  00:47

Why we chose the subject matter, for this month is in the method we’ve created, the Formal Acceptance is the key to getting started to this dynamic. This act or ritual is the rite of passage that must happen between husband and wife before they can really begin to build the relationship. And then another reason we thought this might be great is that many times this dynamic Well, I would say 90 plus percent of the time, this dynamic is brought into a marriage by the wife. So while we’ll be talking from the submissives perspective, during this most time, Mr. Fox will help us with his perspective or the Dom’s perspective along the way. On this podcast, we are going to answer how do you ask for your Marriage’s Sexy, Secret dynamic? What is a Formal Acceptance? And how do you do the Formal Acceptance?

Mr Fox   01:37

Okay, we have a lot to go over here. LK.

Little Kaninchen  01:41

I’m ready.

Mr Fox   01:42

All right. Why don’t you take my hand? Let’s do this. Jump with me into the rabbit hole. And while we’re there, we can visit the Foxes Den.

Little Kaninchen  01:50

I thought Theresa just something else while we were there.

Mr Fox   01:53

We’re gonna do that in the Fox’s Den

Little Kaninchen  01:55

It sounds good to me.

Mr Fox   01:56

All right.

Little Kaninchen  02:01

Do you want to know a secret?

Mr Fox   02:03

SECRET

Little Kaninchen  02:05

Do you want to have a secret? A dirty little secret? A secret that you only share with your spouse? A secret that is so magical, so intimate in ways you can only imagine.

Mr Fox   02:16

Oh, come on. You must be curious.

Little Kaninchen  02:20

Marriage has a new secret or relationship accessory of sorts. Come fall down a rabbit hole. And we’ll share our secret about this magical wonderland of creating your own intimacy. We can give you all the edge without you or your marriage ever getting cut. Welcome to married with a twist podcast.

Mr Fox   02:40

Greetings everyone. Mr. Fox and little kaninchen or lk? We are your hosts and founders of Marriages Sexiest new Secret. The leader follower dynamic, also known as Married Dominance and submission.

Little Kaninchen  02:55

Oh man, you just told him the secret secret.

Little Kaninchen  03:01

So let’s talk community first. subMrs. February and review. So most of us know February to be the month of love lost romance and the best of all chocolate. The monthly community theme on subMrs this past month was self love. We examine and explore all things self love. And I know all you dirty minds out there thinking about self love, but we’ll get to that part. But our goal really was to make sure that all subMrs. left the month of February and more confident and self loving subMrs. So like the quote says loving thyself helps us love others more. But first we’ll talk about the physical love. Okay, everybody, masturbation, of course. What else would you expect on subMrs or husDOM we had the most wonderful workshop? We have a workshop for toys and tools and we have a wonderful elf subMrs. That helps us out. And we did a whole discussion regarding masturbation, the toys to use and how to give masturbation to your sir, as a gift for Valentine’s Day.

Mr Fox   04:05

nice gift.

Little Kaninchen  04:06

It was a it was a wonderful discussion. One for the record books, I think it was really fabulous. Then we went on and had group discussions about sploshing, which if you do not know, splashing is like food play. So you get your dessert together. Just be careful not to get it in the cracks. A little bit in the cracks is fine.

Mr Fox   04:25

I was gonna say something’s going in the crack right?

Little Kaninchen  04:27

Yeah, a little bit but you have to be careful. But still, you can have so much fun sploshing. So if you don’t know what that is, you might want to look that up. It’s fun. Also, we did something in our roleplay group. And it was really one of the best group discussions we’ve ever had about how to do a cocktail service for your sir. And it was a great live video chat. A lot of people came, we had a good time everybody had a drink. And it’s something these group discussions we have every single month on subMrs. So I encourage everybody to try and make one even more importantly Then the physical, we wanted to also help everyone learn a little bit about mental and emotional self love, everybody, just remember that your brain is your largest sex organ. But even more importantly, we need to examine and learn about mental and emotional self love. We did journal prompts throughout the entire month examining our own self love, and helping us build a confidence every single Sunday, we posted a great thing to make you think about it, write about it. And I think you know, a lot of people enjoy that. Then we went on to our spirituality group, and we had a discussion about our heart chakra, great information. If you’re not a part of spirituality group, I would say, get in there and learn more and more about that. We have also offered another how to begin the dynamic live chat. And it tells you basically, how to begin your journey, what steps to take what method what parts of the method you need to do just to get you on your way. We did all of this along with posting Valentine gift ideas, and had an established member chat spilling you know what we did for Valentine’s night? everybody enjoyed that so much. So I would say don’t miss next month, the month is the madness of it all matters. Mad as a Marh Hare.

Mr Fox   06:15

I’m gonna leave all that with one more comment. And there’s so much going on in the communities, especially the subMrs community, that if you go to the website, you’ll see a drop down that goes to the calendar. And if not, you can just go subMrs.com/events and you’ll be able to see everything that she’s doing coming up in March. And I think they’re already posting stuff in there for April. And if you go to the husDOM website, the same thing, there’ll be a drop down menu goes to the calendar, or backslash events, and you’ll be able to see what’s going on within the community.  husdom.com/events

Little Kaninchen  06:46

Yeah, anything you want to know about the communities is there to take a peek at. And anything we talked today on the subject matter will be there as well. So

Mr Fox   06:56

Alright, let’s get some good stuff then.

Little Kaninchen  06:58

Okay, the good stuff, the cream of the Oreo, right?

Mr Fox   07:00

Yep.

Little Kaninchen  07:01

How to ask for Marriage’s Sexy Secret Dynamic, aka Formal Acceptance. What we’re going to cover here, again, is how you ask for the dynamic. What is Formal Acceptance? And how do you do one, I would say basically, all of it, if you boiled everything down, that there’s one word that this comes to, and it is preparation, just like anything good in life, you prepare well, you usually have a great ending in it. So I would say preparation, that’s where we’re going to start,

Mr Fox   07:37

Right is crucial if you don’t put in the work, but you expect the results. Right? That’s what preparation is all about. If you just if you just wing it, and you don’t put any real forethought or planning into what you’re going to do, and you bring this up to your husband or your spouse, if it’s the other way, your wife, then your chances of success might be a lot less. So you gotta you got to put in some work here.

Little Kaninchen  07:57

Yeah. So the preparation, we’ll just talk first about how to prepare for this formal acceptance. The formal acceptance is the actual ritual. Right now we’re going to start with the preparation. So before we even start with that, I’ll back us up just a little bit and say that you know, your husband or wife the best, you know, how much information they’re going to need fed, before you do a formal acceptance, you’re going to know, you know, when they start something new, that might be a little bit shocking. You know, how much you need to feed them? How much? How often to have them ready for this formal acceptance ritual that we’re talking about.

Mr Fox   08:41

You need to build the atmosphere, you need to set that framework?

Little Kaninchen  08:45

Yes, the framework, that’s a good word for it. But we’re going to just start with telling you, you know, where you can push it, how much to push. So let’s start there. So what I usually tell everybody is get yourself a journal or just a notebook and start writing some stuff down. So right now, if you’re not driving in your car, or something might be good for you just to write this stuff down. So you, you have a great start at it, I would say get a journal or some paper, just write down these few things in preparation. First, know your basic definitions of what BDSM is, and what Dominance and submission is. I would say you don’t have to be all knowledgeable on that. But just know the terms that are general. You can find those terms on subMrs on husDom, you can google terms. You can look all over the place and find these terms. Basically, I think you can find those just about anywhere.

Mr Fox   09:48

Right. So terms would be I mean, just some ideas get people started, right? Like Okay, said BDSM, right, like, what does it mean if that’s what you’re asking for, and also when you’re searching for these terms. You’re asking for a D/s or Dominance and submission style relationship, if that’s what it’s going to be routed under, like, have a good idea of what being a Dominant means to you, or what submission means to you. You don’t have to define it, I wouldn’t go all the way down the rabbit hole, but just have an idea in your mind formulated well enough that you could describe sort of what you’re looking for. Right?

Little Kaninchen  10:22

Right.

Mr Fox   10:23

So again, when you’re reading it, and you go search Wikipedia, and you find what a Dominant is, use that definition, kind of with a grain of salt, make sure that you’re putting your own vision, when you’re trying to explain this to your partner of what this relationship or lifestyle is gonna look like or what you want it to look like.

Little Kaninchen  10:40

Yeah, and if you’re not sure, we’ll just you know, very quickly, D/s and D|-M, which D|s-M is Married Dominance submission, it’s a different animal than the non married type of dominance submission, D|s-M, of course, we covered this before, but it is based on the relationship first, and then all that great, sexy, sexy, kinky stuff later, but it’s all built on good, Enriching relationship skills. That’s the big difference is the first thing after you ask. There’s that question of how could you want something like that? Because I think a lot of people don’t really fit monogamy into Dominance and submission. Most time, most people think that that means you’re not monogamous. But in D|s-M we promote monogamy. That’s one big huge difference. I’ll just state here, we’re kind of getting off topic. So. But like I said, know your terms. So know what DSM is, in comparison.

Mr Fox   11:38

Yeah, I’ll just say I don’t think that’s hot topic at all, I mean, being able to say that, you know, you’re looking for it to be part of your marriage, and not just kink, or BDSM, or whatever your partner may, you know, the picture they might draw on their mind probably doesn’t have to do with a relationship. So it’s a totally different animal, like you said, and people should be, be armed with what D|s-M is to them.

Little Kaninchen  12:02

So the second thing I would do is, go through some soft BDSM porn, or, you know, or bookmark some sites for you. So you can show him later. First of all, if you’re not sure, if you haven’t really looked on some soft porn sites, or you don’t even know what those would be, you can get on husDOM.com, or subMrs.com, and we can suggest some great places for you to go looking. But I would say, while you’re out there looking, don’t bookmark or take your husband to a scary place someplace where cruelty is shown. I don’t know. You know, most time I tell everybody, that BDSM porn, the hardcore stuff you see isn’t even real. It’s like a made up movie, none of that stuff is is very for real. So they want you all to think it’s real, and things are happening and happening the way that they seem. But they’re not.

Mr Fox   13:00

That’s the entertainment value I think but part of it is to from being on the host on site. Most guys when they get here. You know, their biggest concerns are they don’t want to hurt their wife, they don’t want to bring her any pain. They don’t want to disrespect her in any type of way. They’re gentlemen. And that’s exactly what kind of members we have were gentlemen. So I think what lk is trying to say is that if you bring on those pictures of scary taboo pictures of somebody humiliating and degrading and punishing and hurting another individual, and that’s what it looks like, to him without any of the background and the preparation, and the definitions that you would have had he might just instantly put up a barrier or a wall because he would never want to do those things to you. And to lk, and I that’s a good healthy approach, right? If your husband, you know, if he just jumps right in, and he’s really not putting the consideration into if you get hurt you and it becomes a more selfish point of view, then that might be something to be concerned about. I would almost think, yeah, just make sure that you’re not scaring him.

Mr Fox   14:03

Yeah. Like I basically, in the whole entire thing says stay cruelty free. Like don’t get into anything that seems too cruel, because it will turn them off. And you may only get one chance at doing this people. So, you know, kid gloves is what I would say.

Mr Fox   14:18

And back to I think you said this in the very beginning of it, right? Like you know your partner better than anybody else. So maybe that’s where you start. I don’t know. But I think for the majority of what lk and I see the 1000s and 1000s of people, we would recommend starting somewhere where it’s soft, where you can try to nurture that vision of it not being cruel.

Little Kaninchen  14:37

So I would say the next thing is copy excerpts from your favorite BDSM related books, copy those excerpts of scenes or the type of relationship that you love so much. And you can read those to him. You can copy and print, you can just get your iPad out and just show him that. Again. This is about doing your homework. So if you’ve been reading these books and you found things you really liked that you highlighted, read those highlights to him, you could also suggest to him to go to husDom.com and register there and start at the very beginning of Mr. Fox’s blog posts or articles, because that’s his journey of how it started. So his concerns are no different than like every other Sir’s concerns, when they start a dynamic like this, he’s going to hit those concerns about being too rough with you, or, you know, hurting you or disrespecting you, you know, he’ll go through all those in those articles.

Mr Fox   15:36

And as you’re talking about that, I can even think of the articles, you know the names of the articles, because those are the challenges that I faced. I didn’t write those early articles to try to teach anybody anything, it was to try to resolve the feelings that I was feeling inside about, you know, what was happening, how our relationship was developing and the fears or concerns that I had. So I mean, they’re very personal, very raw. And it wasn’t trying to teach anybody anything it was trying to find resolution in my own mind and what was happening between us. So I would think it might be very powerful for a lot of other guys that are coming into this with probably very similar concerns and apprehensions.

Little Kaninchen  16:16

Yes. And then, you know, I always tell everybody to go and read our about stories basically on both of our sites read the about, sometimes that helps them feel really good about it, too. And it also, as you’re preparing, it would be great that you guys have found this couples site. And this is kind of their story. So you kind of have our background or a story when you’re telling them what it is that you really want. Finally, I would probably add in there that just add a lineup of BDSM, images, tumblers, again, don’t shock him with the shock and awe like, you probably want to do the soft side, you know, just show him pictures of couples doing BDSM scenes and tell him what’s most important about doing this as as you’re showing these pictures, don’t just show him the pictures, tell them the feelings that are attached to those pictures. The feeling of the picture is more than anything, and men and women are different. And they don’t feel quite like we do or they wouldn’t guess that we feel. so strongly find some images that you feel so strongly about that represent what you’re thinking and feeling. And then show him those and then tell him the feelings behind them. You know, then he can get a better idea of what it is that you’re wanting, and what you’re feeling inside.

Mr Fox   17:38

Yeah, feelings are really powerful. Most guys don’t talk about them or probably acknowledge them. But knowing like lk, saying knowing how powerful it is to you and knowing, I guess the depth of what it is right? Because I think that again, as a man, I’m probably just seeing the kink like I almost can’t see past the kink. So if you’re looking for more than bedrooms submission, if you’re looking for a husDom leadership, those values and pictures are probably not popping into his mind. You have to express it like lk is saying how you feel about it?

Little Kaninchen  18:11

Yes. Well, then we get to, once we get through those things, I would say the next big thing is we’re gonna talk about picking the right time. After you’ve done all your homework, of course, I’m talking all your preparations in order, you’re going to pick the right time to be able to ask him for the dynamic actually have the formal acceptance.

Mr Fox   18:34

And one of the things that I want to say too, is like when lk, saying that I’m thinking back on our own relationship. LK, how many days prior did you start? And this is before formal acceptance existed?  As lk and I were doing these things in our own relationship. There was no roadmap, there was no podcast, there was no article like lk had to figure this out on our own. And how many days or weeks before you actually did this, where you already planning and trying to choose the right time and not just choose the right time? I think you were cultivating the time creating that atmosphere.

Little Kaninchen  19:08

Yeah, I’ll give you just a little This is a little extra. But I read 50 Shades of Grey, and I read all three books within like days of one another. Once I started it started like feeding me. And I’m not kidding. I don’t think I slept for three days. I think I read everything. Then I started getting on the internet. And while that was freaking scary when I shut the last book, I literally shut the last book and tears are falling on my eyes. I was like, I’ve got to figure out how this could work for us. Mr. Fox is a very dominant person, somewhat a submissive person to him. Really nobody else but to him. I definitely am. And our relationship works that way and it works very well that way. So when I stopped those books, I was just like, I got to figure out a way to do this. This couldn’t just be for single people. There’s things in this that would be just for sale. People How can I do this? So I probably within a week, I started writing in a journal and started writing down. How a marriage not really think about exactly us, but how a marriage could this could work being married, you know, kind of picking up where the books left off, where they got married, and everything was all happy. How could you make this work? I would say it was probably I say at least three or so weeks before I, I couldn’t let it get too cool. I couldn’t get it, let it get too cold. But I would be on the internet. And I’d be like, none of this. There was no representation for the married couple, monogamous couple. There was no representation for people that loved one another and actually cared for another pass the skin. I was just like, wow, I’m just gonna have to start writing it all out. So that’s what I did. So yeah, I mean, I would say it was weeks and weeks,

Mr Fox   20:54

But planning the event, like what day I would be home and what we would do and what we would wear and where you would tell me and she just didn’t drop it on my lap. She didnt just wake up in the morning and say, okay, today’s the day, there was a lot of preparation and pre planning and a whole lot of forethought that went into what had happened. And I want to caution everybody to like, lk, didn’t have this all figured out. She didn’t spend three weeks and have every detail of a relationship figured out, and then came to me with all the answers. Even when we started, we didn’t have most of our answers. So I would caution anybody that is going to delay or would think about delaying this delaying that formal acceptance until they figure it all out, because it’s a journey taken by two. And it’ll be developed by you and your partner, I would focus and concentrate on why it’s important to you and what overall from a very high level, like, what would it look like? So you can answer those questions.

Little Kaninchen  21:46

So when you’re picking your time, I kinda like take a step back. But when you’re picking your time, you don’t want to pick a time where your sir has just worked overtime, where he’s doing his taxes.

Mr Fox   21:59

Where ther kids are yelling and screaming.

Little Kaninchen  22:01

Yeah, where something is stressful, you don’t want to pick a stressful day. You know, you want to pick a moment in time where it’s been an easy day. It’s been a regular day, it’s been a weekend. It might be a time where you are on a getaway, someplace where the stress is not on.

Mr Fox   22:22

Right. And I’m going to add to that it’s not just like, wait until that time happens to you, right, like be a victim to circumstance because that’s not what lk, did, we had, or I should say, really, she had planned certain events and took me away and kind of like all those got me away from all of the everyday stress, and got me to where I could finley soften up a little bit and not be so concerned and worried about everything else.

Little Kaninchen  22:47

Yeah, and Mr. Fox had the word there, soften him up. And I’m just going to say, you know, when we’re picking the right time, and before I get to the actual atmosphere of it all, when we’re talking about the right time, I’m going to remind all the subMrs out there or future subMrs that the best way to soften your husband to get to his heart to get to his head, basically to soften them up, you have to harden them first, which means harden the perfect parts, or make those hard parts soft, I guess I don’t know where I’m going here. But I’m just saying that..

Mr Fox   23:22

No the hard parts are hard.

Little Kaninchen  23:23

Yeah. So like, you know, so have lots of sex and and enjoy each other’s company, so that he can get past the hardness and you can get into his heart that way. The way to a man’s heart is through his penis. They usually say it’s the stomach, but it really is the penis.

Mr Fox   23:44

Its the penis.

Little Kaninchen  23:44

Then the stomach, I would say you have to kind of like work your way up,

Mr Fox   23:49

Right? Because I cannot eat.

Little Kaninchen  23:51

Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. So think about what you’re doing. Think about what your husband’s gonna need in preparation of the day, he’s gonna need an easy day. He’s gonna need a day where he feels like you love him and get him to the point where you can speak to his heart. Some guys you can speak directly to their heart some and you have to go through the penis to get to the heart. So I would say if your husband is like that, then you know that’s part of picking the right time or setting up the atmosphere for everything. You know, like again, we just covered easy day. Not an overtime day. I would say I tell people the best time to do it’s the end of the night for going to bed. You both shower. We’re gonna get into the atmosphere here. But you know, I bought a new robot new pajama bottoms for my sir. I kind of had it all planned out. So we showered and you smell good. You’re all shaved up You look really pretty smell and taste good. So when you get out of the shower before him, you kind of set up some atmosphere why he’s still showering, you know, you lay his pajamas out. You get everything ready, you know lighting, make sure that everything smells Really good. So when you are, you step out of the shower, and you have the lighting, maybe some music candle, make sure you both smell good, you got your new whatever robe on, I always say a robe is good. Because really, the whole idea is for you to step out of your robe, and kneel to him, have that all set up for him, when he gets out, he just jumps in his pajamas. And then when you hear him get out, and he’s getting ready, go take him by his hands. This is where you get really nervous. You’re not gonna forget doing this. So you take his hands and you say, you know, I need to talk to you for just a minute. And he’s gonna be like, what’s going to happen, and she, she asked me for a divorce, is she pregnant. Oh, my God, you know, he all kinds of scenarios are is mine. But you just asked him, please, we come in here and talk to him a second. Maybe sit him on the bed, and then just say I need you to listen to me for a minute. And he’s still gonna be like, what, but you know, you just, you just do it, you just drop your robe. And you kneel to him. And you say, Please, sir, I have this ache. And I just want to know if you want to take this fantastic journey with me and be my husDOM. And then I know, it’s so hard for everybody. But you have to just at that point, you have to just stop and listen to what he says. Don’t give him any excuses. Anything past just answering you. You know, sometimes you want to jump in and you’re nervous. And you want to add something to that. But don’t ask, then zip your lips. And just listen to what he says. Because it’s very important that first thing he says back is going to be everything. So just in case, it’s not exactly what you are waiting for. You then can listen, if he has some type of secondary thoughts, you can answer those. So you have to just sit there and listen for a minute.

Mr Fox   27:02

And also though its the power, there’s a huge power exchange. So whether he then realizes what a power exchange is, in that moment, whether you even realize what a power exchange is, in that moment, one of the most powerful things you can do that gives somebody the most humility is first of all, if somebody’s nude in the room, and somebody’s not, there’s a huge power change that goes on there, whether it’s spoken whether you’ve ever thought about it. And then also the other thing is when somebody kneels in front of you is probably for myself, I’ll speak it’s the very first time in my entire life that I had somebody kneel in front of me naked. It was, I mean, I want to say awestruck. But I can’t even put my emotions into words about like, I didn’t understand what was happening. I didn’t, I couldn’t quite process it. But I know it was the most powerful thing in my lifetime to have lk, bear herself and kneel in front of me and asked me to be her Dominant. Like she says, just wait for an answer. It might seem like forever, I don’t know how many minutes It took me to, to even muster up a word or say anything like I was just shocked. And then I was trying to process in my mind. I mean, maybe it was 30 seconds. It felt like a lifetime. Like I just, you know, I was trying to comprehend what was going on right in front of me. Up until that point in our lives and our relationship, nothing like that had ever happened.

Little Kaninchen  28:20

Up until that point, it was a power struggle all the time.

Little Kaninchen  28:23

Yeah.  But I don’t think there were any signs. I mean, there was no no indication that anything like that would ever happen in my life. You know, it definitely was a moment of what does she mean? What’s going on?

Little Kaninchen  28:36

Yeah, and I would say you’re given them a few seconds to absorb what you just asked so and you being nude shows your commitment. Being on your knees shows your commitment, he’s gonna then know that this is not a trend, this is something you’re very serious about maybe more serious about than just about anything else you’ve done in your life so far, that it’s very serious to you that you want your relationship to be the best it can be not very many couples, invest in their marriage, and also do something to enrich it and make it a priority again, after children. So like you have to be kind of in that place in your life to make this work.

Mr Fox   29:15

Yeah, it’s commitment and vulnerability, I think. I think so many people like probably don’t even make themselves vulnerable to their spouse. It was so powerful that lk would put herself in such an open and honest and vulnerable position in front of me. I mean, it was, I was awestruck, and that moment.

Little Kaninchen  29:34

Yeah. And then he may even ask you questions that you don’t know. So the perfect thing to say is, I don’t know. But we definitely can find these things out together. Because then you go into that this is something that’s a team sport. Basically this thing we’re going to do together. We’re both going to be working on so you’ll have a role and I’ll have a role. We both have responsibilities in those roles, too. The atmosphere to, you know, help each other grow. And it’s kind of like I scratch your back, you scratch mine, you get what you want, I get what I want, that’s really what it comes down to. But in a very magical, loving, romantic, respectful way, what I would say is, you know, just this whole D|s-M dynamic is based on honest communication, and healthy marital skills. So you can let him know that upfront to there’s other parts to the method, that is where you’re going to clean the slate, you’re going to get all the skeletons out of the closet, you’re going to have all this other things to do that goes along with the formal acceptance that will help you along your way. We’re just covering formal acceptance today. Most importantly, you explain both sides have responsibilities. And this is just not one sided, where the wife is going to be doing everything. That’s, you know, to clear up all your assumptions. In the beginning, I would hear well, I just assumed or I thought he would know, or she knew, blah, blah, blah, you know, but we none of us have a crystal ball, none of us really know. And we become you ever evolve in this, so like, maybe the person you thought what she would say, maybe in this she wouldn’t, or vice versa. Like maybe once he is your dominant, they really do start thinking a little differently, and what you assume they’re going to react or what you assume they’re going to say or what you assume they know they don’t. So you want to clear up all those I thought type of things.

Mr Fox   31:39

What I’m about to say is not very common, but it does happen where somebody like skips this step. And it probably is they don’t want to put themselves in that vulnerable of a position, but they skip it. They’re like, Oh, we’re past that, or however they justified in our mind. But it really, that level of vulnerability speaks volumes to somebody like myself to the other person, like people don’t put themselves in positions like that, physically. And when you do, there’s no mistaking when you’re the man the level of like lk saying commitment, vulnerability, those things, but there’s no question that you guys are crossing a threshold that you guys are now that rite of passage has taken place. I mean, that moment will be unforgettable. And both of your lives very crucial, right here. If you can get through this step, and you’re both hand in hand, you’re off to a wonderful start. You’re both very committed, you both had a life changing, altering experience, I think and then like, lk said, so there’s so many other steps, you know, the method can guide you to get started. But don’t skip this one. This one’s paramount. This is a fundamental piece.

Little Kaninchen  32:48

Yeah, like I said, a rite of passage, you really have to do this. And I have to say that a lot of women compare it to their marriage proposals, or they’ll say is even better than the marriage proposal. Actually, it just all depends on you know how things go, some people are so nervous to get it out. I’ve had some ladies tell me, they had to like write some stuff down. And just like they were crying so much. And they were so nervous. They just wrote some sound and just handed it to him like, but then they don’t feel it as much. So they’re like, actually, I went back later and asked him if I could redo it. Once he we got past, I got past my nerves. So you still have to go back and redo it. It’s okay, if it’s just kind of a really clusterfuck for better other words to use. But I just think that, do it, you’re going to show them the commitment there. It doesn’t matter if you get it all out everything we just said. But you need to go back though, after the fact and go back over it and suggest to him afterwards to register on on husDom, you know, go back and say, You know what, there’s a site just like for me, there’s one for you communities, where I know, some searchers don’t like to talk a lot, maybe to other guys at first or feel like they don’t want to be instructed. But he doesn’t have to talk, he doesn’t do anything, he can just come on and read those articles of the beginnings. And he’ll start identifying with that right away. And it’s really great that he gets the gist of from others just seeing the other chat, what his Dom will even look like later.

Mr Fox   34:24

One of the things that went through my mind when you’re talking about it was you talking about the marriage proposal. So what I would say to everybody is can you remember your marriage proposal? I imagine that you can imagine that even however long it’s been if it’s five, ten, twienty or thirty years ago, I imagine you remember that moment in your life. Imagine if whoever asked the other one, if they did it nude and then laid themselves down on the ground when they asked. So think about that for a minute. Would you remember that moment in your life? I mean, like, you would take it that much more seriously, that that other person would bear themselves. to that level, I can’t think of how you can bare your soul in any deeper or more intimate manner than that. And that’s the whole purpose of this, I think is what you’re trying to communicate those feelings you’re trying to communicate to your partner to that level to that degree.

Little Kaninchen  35:26

Yeah, it’s it’s, and and I tell everybody, before we, we, you know, it will be a whole nother podcast. But I tell everybody, just start in the bedroom. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. This is supposed to be fun. This is not I mean, it is work. And you do have to make your marriage a priority. Again, don’t get me wrong, you have to make it a priority to do this. But it’s supposed to be fun. If there’s a hesitation from your server at all, listen, to sit and listen to what he says. And most the time everybody kind of reports back, I would say probably a good 85% of the time or more that he says hell yes. I would expect a hell yes. You know, but if, if he has secondary thoughts about it, and it’s like, maybe the type of husband that really has to know everything before he commits, then you know, you sit, you say, okay, right now, I’m just asking you to be my husDom, I’m just asking you, will you try and take this journey with me? And then you know, you’re not asking him to like, I don’t know, cut off his right arm or anything. You’re just saying, Hey, will you do this journey with me and help? And we can sit together and figure out all the details. So you need those answers.

Mr Fox   36:43

So you’re not asking him to have any answers. That’s the key. Like in that moment, you’re not asking him to just all of a sudden know what to do? And have the answers. You’re just asking him? Will you be willing to take this journey with me? Like, I don’t have it figured out? I know, you don’t have it figured out. But it’s something that I want to do I want to try to incorporate this and can we go? Can we go hand in hand? And take that first step and begin this journey?

Little Kaninchen  37:09

Yes, the first step is what we’re really asking him to do with you.

Mr Fox   37:13

Because if you don’t take that you’re not on a journey, you both realize where you’re going realize what you’re doing. You will have zero answers on day one. But you start that journey together, and then it’ll develop for you. Right?

Little Kaninchen  37:25

Yeah. And it’s the best I would say I crack up. It’s the best hobby for husband and wife to do together. Okay, let me just say that.

Mr Fox   37:33

The research, the research, once you get on the journey is amazing.

Little Kaninchen  37:36

Yes, yes. And it’s fun, and you laugh a lot, you cry, and expect there’s gonna be lows. It’s like a roller coaster, you know, you have high highs and low lows, but you know, you learn the most about your partner, you know, because we quit learning about one another. And that’s, that’s part of the problem, why people are really getting divorced. And separating and stuff is because you quit learning about your partner. And then you think you know everything about your partner, but you don’t like all of us are ever evolving. You know, we’re always changing. So I think we quit learning about our partner. So this, like, basically forces you to get to know each other, again, forces you to start a clean slate. And you really, you take the good knowledge you already had. And you kind of sweep away the stuff, the assumptions, it helps you sweep that away, and start building on this fantastic foundation of learning more about each other, seeing each other shoot, some of us hadn’t seen each other naked for 20 years in the daylight and had sex. So I’m just saying that this will open you both up to a fantastic communication. Fantastic. You know, connection.

Mr Fox   38:48

Yeah. And people will have that communication connection at a different level different degree before they even began, right. Some people, it’s fantastic. And they feel like they share everything. But even those people, once they get started on the journey, they’re like, I didn’t realize the different depth in which we could share things and grow together and all of those.

Little Kaninchen  39:07

Depths that they have never went before and it’s been 30 years. So

Mr Fox   39:11

so you might be coming to this with the best communication but I would expect it’s gonna be better. You might come thinking you know, your partner, everything about him. I would expect you both are going to learn more things about each other that you never know. Because every single person I’ve talked to that’s the case, I can’t think of one case where somebody went Nope. But knew it all before we began and I still feel that way now.

Little Kaninchen  39:34

Yeah.

Mr Fox   39:36

Out of 20000 people yeah, there has not been a single person that said that.

Little Kaninchen  39:40

So well. Basically that’s our you know, how to ask for this and in the ritual, the actual ritual of formal acceptance. So we thank you everybody for listening to our madness. We thank you for you know, basically using your time because we know everybody’s time is so golden

Little Kaninchen  40:02

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