MSS002 – What is D|s-M

MWT 2: What is D|s-M

Mr Fox   00:14

Welcome to the husDOM and Married with a Twist podcast. You have officially fallen down the rabbit hole

Little Kaninchen  00:21

Whoo!

Mr Fox   00:22

And we are your hosts today, Mr. Fox…

Little Kaninchen  00:25

and little kaninchen or lk, greetings from our Wonderland we’re all mad here.

Mr Fox   00:30

And some of us are more mad than others I believe…

Little Kaninchen  00:33

Pot / kettle.

Mr Fox   00:34

We are the founders of the subMrs and husDOM online communities and creators of the Married Dominance and submission dynamic or what is commonly referred to within our communities as D|s-M. We embarked on our journey in 2012. And today our communities are about 20,000 members strong.

Little Kaninchen  00:53

That’s a lot of members.

Mr Fox   00:55

And what type of members are we talking about, exactly, lk.

Little Kaninchen  00:58

Of course the members of our community, wink wink.

Mr Fox   01:02

All right. All right, lk are you ready to begin?

Little Kaninchen  01:06

Always ready for you, Mr. Fox.

Mr Fox   01:08

And I love you for that.

Little Kaninchen  01:10

Today we will be covering what is D|s-M and could it be right for you?  What is D|s-M?  D|s-M is Domination submission for married couples. But first let me give you the very true dry crusty definition of D|s. D slash s or D|s is a set of behaviors, customs and rituals involving the submission of one person to another in an erotic episode or lifestyle. In some cases, it can be intensely physical sometimes crossing into sadomasochism, which is the love of receiving and or giving pain.  In D|s both parties take pleasure or erotic enjoyment from either dominating or being dominated. Those who take the superior position are called Dominants, Dom’s or Dommes, if you’re a female.

Those who take the subordinate position are called submissives, or subs, which can be male or female. D|s is a subset of BDSM and BDSM is the acronym for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. So let’s get back to the more moist parts of what D|s-M is. D|s-M is our method that we created that brings D|s, Dominance and submission into a couple’s marriage in a consensual, and healthy manner.

Little Kaninchen

The methodology positively builds a marriage and is never used to damage or weaken it, giving you all that edge without you or your marriage getting cut. You’ll be working together as a team on your dynamic and individually working on your part of the D|s role. Whether you’re the Dominant role or the submissive role, you both work on your own individual role. All while you will be independently working on your internal and external self. Doing this, you will find mutual acceptance and a deep spiritual connection with your spouse. This method gives you a place to begin and the guidance you’ll need and taking those first steps into your journey. Along the way, you’ll be tasting the many pieces that make up this “kinky pizza” of what this thing we do…

Mr Fox   03:07

Kinky pizza? Really lk?  lk, let me ask you what would some of the toppings on your kinky pizza be?

Little Kaninchen  03:17

Well, my tastes would probably include bondage, a slapper crop, a very hungry husDOM.. Oh yeah, wait, and please double my meat.

Mr Fox   03:27

Oh, my gosh, lk.

Little Kaninchen  03:30

In D|s|M, the road you will travel is up to you and your partner and will change over time. I’ve learned to never say never.  What is a hard limit today, next month will be something you are desiring deeply. The result of practicing D|s-M states the most important needs of every couple. The wife, it satisfies a deep craving or hunger for intimacy or closeness with her husband.

Mr Fox   03:51

The husband will acquire his need for the unexplained trust and respect from his wife.

Little Kaninchen  03:58

It is amazing. But I want to move quickly on to what makes D|s-M different than D|s. D|s-M is a leader follower relationship or a captain copilot scenario. A leader follower relationship is described as the social interaction that occurs between leaders and followers as they fulfill their separate roles. It is a complex and continuously changing relationship subject to numerous demands, choices and constraints. Unlike D slash s, where the Dominant sets all the rules and doesn’t have to take in the mindset or thoughts of his submissive into consideration before making any type of decisions.

The leader or Dominant in D|s-M takes into consideration the follower’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings before he makes any final decisions. The submissive offers input and the Dominant takes advantage of the submissive strengths and he knows his weaknesses. So to make the best overall dynamic, I’m going to hand it over to Mr. Fox to talk a little more about captain and copilot dynamics.  Captain…

Mr Fox   04:58

Captain, I like that lk. Since the beginning of our D|s dynamic, I’ve used the analogy of a captain and copilot relationship many times. The captain and copilot scenario goes hand in hand, or is synonymous with Dominance and submission. Allow me to explain. When it comes to a captain and a copilot, either one are equally as qualified to fly the aircraft, they each have the same basic skill set the same knowledge, same basic training. In some scenarios, the copilot may actually be better have more knowledge, a better skillset than the captain. In aviation, there’s a regulation that states that the pilot in command of an aircraft is directly responsible for, and is the final authority to the operation of the aircraft.  In my relationship, I use that regulation, but I twist it a little bit to our D|s-M dynamic.

Mr Fox

It would say the Dominant of a relationship is directly responsible for and is the final authority to the operation of the relationship. In essence, both the captain of an airplane or the Dominant of a D|s-M relationship will ultimately own whatever happens, the Dominant is ultimately responsible. I may talk a little bit more about this in a minute. But first, I want to mention that a fundamental key to success is the ability to assign a well defined role and an associated responsibility to that role. So what I’m saying is that you need to define a dominant and a submissive, those are the roles.  And you need to define what those responsibilities are for each one of those roles. With that being said, I’m going to break it down just a little bit further. I also see our relationship or our D|s as a leadership, followership dynamic.

Mr Fox

So lk allows me to lead in our relationship. And in doing so she agrees to follow my leadership, provided I keep us within a predetermined set of rules or guidelines. So what is leadership? For myself, leadership means having the ability to influence somebody. And when you put it like that everybody has leadership abilities.

Everybody’s capable of it. So both the Dominant and the submissive have a leadership role, to a certain degree, lk, is expected to be a leader. Also, consider for a minute, how do you lead when you’re not in command? Right, leadership is about influence. So this can absolutely be done. lk, can lead and have a leadership role without topping from the bottom? As a matter of fact, in our D|s-M, I expect that from lk? The difference here is command. Command is the assigned authority. So how do you get assigned authority as a Dominant?

As a captain it is given to you, you take a check ride, you pass you do everything the way you’re supposed to do it, they assign the authority to you, as the captain.  D|s relationships are a little bit different, right? That authority is given to me.  It’s gifted.  I believe submission is a gift. It’s been gifted to me. How do all of these things work in conjunction? Well, you have a Dominant, who is the leader, the ultimate leader, that would be authority with participation. So what do I mean by that? So I mean, that the authority has been granted to me by her, or by my submissive, and I own all the responsibility just like the captain of an airplane.  If something goes wrong, you go straight to the top.

Mr Fox

If something goes wrong in our D|s-M relationship, you go straight to the top. I own it all. Right, as the captain at work, I don’t look at the copilot point my finger and say, but he did. Right? I don’t look at the flight attendants to say, well, they should have.  As the captain, I own it all. Same thing in my D|s-M dynamic. I own it all. If something happens, I’m going to man up and take responsibility and ownership. But I’m going to do it with participation. So just like if I was the captain of an airplane, at work, for example, I need everybody else’s participation.

I need the flight attendants’ participation to work as a crew. I need the copilot’s participation, right? So being the captain really comes to the assigned authority. Otherwise, we’re working as a team. So I’m gonna leave that right there. But that’s it in a nutshell really. And before I hand this over to lk, I also want to say that with what I’ve just said, it should be obvious to everyone that communication is crucial for success and a leader, followership, a captain, copilot, or a Dominant and submissive relationship. Any relationship communication is going to be crucial. Now as my co-pilot lk, I will hand things back to you to talk a little bit more about the differences between D|s-M, and D|s.

Little Kaninchen  10:14

Thank you, sir, adding to what Mr. Fox just said regarding captain and copilot. Another very important difference between D|s and D|s-M is in D|s-M, the wife many times I would say 90% of the time since the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy was released, has brought the dynamic to her husband. And then the husband many times having no idea what D|s-M is, and if anything, he’s relating it to the old style of D|s,  there’s a phrase and D|s topping from the bottom.

This phrase means that when a submissive simultaneously adopts both roles of the Dominant and the submissive, the submissive giving orders or refusing orders from the Dominant when the wife starts D|s-M, It is acceptable even recommended that she guides her husband into the dynamic and his role as a dominant, just like if he was trying to learn any hobby that his wife already knew something about.

Little Kaninchen

In  D|s-M this is not topping from the bottom, as it would be described in D/s.  The husband will quickly find his Dom when following the method and take his position once engaged in his role. Let me say it’s a beautiful thing that every subMrs will never forget seeing when her husband takes that role for the first time. Unlike D/s, the D|s-M dynamic has a method, a method to the madness, and gives you the steps to take making sure that you achieve a strong foundation and sets things up in a manner that will lead you to a better chance of success.

D|s-M is also unique as it focuses on self-awareness, building a better self as well as a long term marriage sustainability, always making the relationship in the marriage first, promoting monogamy.

The method sets couples up to get the “More” from their marriage and at the same time achieving a better version of themselves a better perspective on your overall marriage. Again, D|s-M is about the relationship, not just the kinky sex. We use good healthy relationship foundations such as trust, respect, honest communication, intimacies, all types of intimacies, And last but not least, love. Love still needs to be in your heart for your spouse. One of the best differences from D/s is D|s-M is for all ages, not just the youth. D|s-M is about saving the marriage, reducing the statistics of Gray Divorce.

Mr Fox   12:30

So why are you here lk, pain or pleasure?

Little Kaninchen  12:35

A bit of both, really. But we should explain to everyone why they might be here with us and listening to us. You may have one of these or multiples of these and multiples are not always good ladies. So let’s start with empty nester changes stage of life. I think we all knew somebody or knew a couple, maybe somebody or neighborhood that they seem like the happy couple. You watch them age and their kids go off to college and, and then all of a sudden, two weeks later, you look out and there’s a for sale sign and everybody’s gone. And then you are like wow, what happened to them.

When you talk to the other neighbors, everybody has a little bit of something to add to the story, right? He was having an affair.  She was having an affair. You know all these little tidbits that you put together. But all you know is when you look over the house, it looks so empty and you know, you wonder really wonder what happened. But everybody has one of those and I have to say that’s the empty nest syndrome or change or stage of life. Midlife is now what we refer to as our group is midlife married or monogamous, but let me explain midlife has now longer stretched.

Little Kaninchen

Since we’re living to almost 100, some of us over 100 if we’re lucky, that midlife area is from age 38 to like 68 we live longer, and that stage is a lot longer. But that brings me into what is happening to married couples, and what is happening to a lot of married couples do to the empty nest chain stage of life. Many other things that we will discuss next are gray divorce.  The term referring to the demographic trend of an increase in the divorce rate for older couples in a long-lasting marriage. The divorce rate for those over 50 has literally doubled in recent times. Why?

There are so many reasons like I just listed, but some of it is a throwaway society. Marriage isn’t as a popular option as it used to be. One of the biggest causes is the midlife crisis and awakening. Which takes me to the next thing why you might be here.Midlife crisis or midlife awakening starts with maybe not feeling sexy or special to your partner anymore, or feeling good about yourself. If you feel good about yourself, you can look good, feel good to others. You put off some type of aura around you. You know, sometimes people go seeking new partners that make them feel better about themselves. Not even really has anything to do with the spouse. But really, it’s internal. It’s something to do with them. You no longer feel special to your partner. So I’m going to leave that here and ask Mr. Fox, he has some things to add to this. Mr.

Fox?

Mr Fox   15:17

About not feeling sexy?

Little Kaninchen  15:20

You’re very sexy.

Mr Fox   15:22

You but you said feeling? Sexy?

Little Kaninchen  15:26

That’s you?

Mr Fox   15:26

Yeah. Okay. It is. Some of what I have seen many times while talking to other couples is that they may have different perceptions of the same situation. Right? I think that’s true for all of us. We all really when you get down to it, see things a little bit different. Our lenses are different from our personal experiences. But what it really is, is they’re not communicating effectively.

Or maybe I should say that they’re not listening to one another. Maybe I should actually back that up one more step. And say that, when they realize that they’re not on the same page, somebody should begin with the question, the question of genuine curiosity, trying to understand the other person’s perspective. And then you should actually listen, kind of like the downtime that we talked about, and then follow it up with other questions. So you get a good solid perspective of their perspective, right? So it’s communication.

Mr Fox

A great example that comes to my mind is we’ve all seen the picture of a number six on the ground, and one person sitting at one end of it, another person at the other end of it.  To the person to the right, maybe, it is a six, and that would be true, 100% true.  The person on the other end of that it would be a nine, and it would be equally as true. So just because you don’t share the exact same perspective on something as your partner doesn’t mean that one person is right or one person is wrong.

Little Kaninchen  17:00

I think that it would come from something we learned where one person’s truth is not always the same truth for the other person.  We both could see the exact same thing, but have a different truth. And it always goes back to again, that person feels away. It may not be that truth to you, why they feel that way, but they still feel that way.

Mr Fox   17:24

And it’s so true.

Little Kaninchen  17:25

And it’s true for them. So it doesn’t really matter. Who is exactly right  and who is wrong. We’re to go back to that old, old old school thing where it’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about finding what works for both of you.

Mr Fox   17:40

Right, and and to add on to that a little bit, because there really is no right or wrong. And the reason that we have our separate truths, I mean, they’re gonna be in line 99% of what we see is going to be the same. It’s that 1% because we have different life experiences. I do something different for a living than lk does. We have different relationships with people. lk has this crazy thing that she calls, emotions and feelings and stuff? I haven’t figured that out yet.

Little Kaninchen  18:08

And I’m an empath.

Mr Fox   18:09

And she’s an empath. So she sees things and feels things that I don’t necessarily so it doesn’t make her perception, any less valid or accurate or true, then it makes mine so and that’s kind of like the downtime. That’s why you have to ask questions of genuine curiosity. And I need to follow those questions up with other questions to make sure that I get a good clear picture of what’s going on. But I see that as a big problem and communication.

I think a lot of couples, a lot of people on both sides. they don’t feel heard. So when their partner is saying something, they’re formulating their rebuttal in their minds, nobody’s listening to one another. And I do think as we have long term relationships, that people fall into that trap, we start feeling like the other person isn’t listening. And we just want to be heard. Which sort of will take me into the next thing it and that’s assumptions.

Mr Fox

I think that that’s another key factor is that we’ve been with somebody a long time, and we begin to feel as though we know what they’re thinking, or we know what they’re feeling when we may not actually have any idea. Right? So assuming your partners feeling upset or feeling sad, anything like that, we can’t take that stuff under an assumption we need to communicate again, it goes back to communication.

One of the things that I’ve heard several times is that somebody will say, if she loved me, she would have done X, Y, and Z. And again, that’s an assumption you’ve you’ve laid out a, what do you call that lk? You’ve kind of laid out an expectation! Thank you. Laid out an expectation of somebody and they have no idea what it is, they’re never going to be able to meet that expectation. So that’s another part of it is to make sure that we have clear expectations of our partners.

Little Kaninchen  20:15

And we lose that, you know, when we go through this midlife crisis or midlife awakening, we lose that we go back to assuming we go back to, you know, having false expectations. And that’s something that you don’t do in the beginning of relationship. But as you get older, and you get comfortable in your relationship, those are two things that really do happen with midlife crisis.

Mr Fox   20:43

And for lk and I, I mean, this is a personal thing, because I think that this started to happen to us and our journey when lk began to grow a little bit, and I wasn’t, aware. And I think she left little hints but those hints, I’m going to say our expectations, and I had no idea that she was expecting a certain reaction from certain events or certain things. And of course, I didn’t meet those expectations.

And then it took lk to realize that it wasn’t going to happen. She needed to sit down and effectively communicate with me. So I was clear on how she felt. And I was clear on what she was thinking and I was clear on what she wanted. And had she not done that we probably would be the statistic right here. So it was because she communicated clearly to me that we are able to sit here today and have a podcast. Thanks lk.

Little Kaninchen  21:41

Thank you, sir. One of the biggest causes of gray divorce is midlife crisis or awakenings. Midlife crisis, or midlife awakenings are those moments like I describe on my site where you wake up, and you may not know who you are.  You look in the mirror, you’re not sure where you are, who you are, where you’re going. Or you may wake up and look at your partner and say, Who is he? Where is he going? Am I even in love with him anymore?

Like, that’s exactly what happened to us. But you know, you no longer feel sexy to your partner or feel good about yourself. Many times people go out looking, seeking new partners, because they find somebody that makes them feel good about themselves internally, and it doesn’t really even have anything to do with their spouse. But something internally to do with them. Because you know, you quit feeling special to that person, you quit feeling good about yourself, you start wearing sweats every day, you don’t put on makeup, you ignore sex in the bedroom all together. I mean, those things truly do happen. We kind of go off old assumptions and old expectations of one another.

And we have to learn to quit doing that. And when we live off, there’s old assumptions or expectations, or we are not communicating we just think that we know.  And we know assuming when you assume you’re making an A S S an ass out of you and ME. So we got to quit living off those old assumptions and expectations.

Little Kaninchen

And let’s talk about assumptions. First old assumptions. As for another couple, we assume they feel or act out because really not knowing or even asking them how they think or feel about something. Because we know them. So well. Wink wink. We’ve been with them for 20 or 30 years.    We know them, we know what they’re going to do. We know what they’re going to say.  We know why they’re saying it. But what we don’t know, they have changed. And if we don’t start listening, we may be in a world of hurt and at a dead-end in our relationship. That’s really what happened to Mr. Fox and me.

Mr Fox   23:50

It is, and I have to say too lk, that I’ve made a lot of assumptions about how she feels about something. Or if there’s a certain look on her face, she’s mad, she’s angry, she’s whatever, right? Oh, is the tone of the voice or whatever it may be. All those things are assumptions. We don’t know.

Little Kaninchen  24:08

And we we’ve gone through I went through a change and maybe the look on my face had change, you know.  It may look the same to the other person, but it actually means something else.

Mr Fox   24:19

You might have been in deep thought about something completely unrelated to anything we talked about all day.

Little Kaninchen  24:23

Right? So you really have to, when you start this you really are starting a relationship over again and and quit using those old assumptions.

Mr Fox   24:32

And I mean, I think that’s a struggle today. Right? Like, we have to, like, think about that to overcome those types of pitfalls that we can all fall into. Every day. Every day  At least I know I do.

Little Kaninchen  24:45

Yes, me too.

Mr Fox   24:47

lk had just mentioned expectations a few minutes ago. And I know that that is a real challenge is having expectations of somebody. The challenge isn’t having the expectation. The challenge is creating an expectation of somebody that has no idea of what your expectations of them are. There’s absolutely no way that somebody is going to meet or fulfill your expectations if they don’t realize what they are.

And I know, probably a little bit of that in our own relationship. But also, with a personal friend of mine, somebody in my family, I remember hearing a sentence, which was, “If she really loved me, then she would X, Y, and Z.”  And what that does, what that sentence really does, is it sets the partner up for failure.  There’s no way that they’re going to meet that unknown expectation.  Whatever it was.  She would have told me, she loved me when I bought her these roses.  She would have whatever it is, right?  She would have made me dinner that night, or whatever that expectation is. And I can also say that both of those people that I’m talking about, they’re personally close to me, both of them fell into the gray divorce, statistic.

Mr Fox

It didn’t work out because of these expectations, these false goals, if you will, that they were setting up. When you create these expectations for somebody, you’re beginning to think that your relationship should be moving in a certain direction or that certain things should be happening. Right? You do you have an action, you set an expectation for a result, you are expecting something.  When the other person has no idea what the expectation is, they’re not going to change.  They’re not going to meet the expectation it happens almost every time.  And to me, I don’t know about you lk, but I talked to guys, this happens all the time. When I say it out loud, it almost seems like how can somebody get caught in this trap? But it happens?

Little Kaninchen  26:50

Yes, one person, I feel like maybe one person out of the relationship tries to take this control and say, you know, this is where it’s heading.  They decided on their own. I did it. I decided, Okay, we’re not getting along. I’m going to start checking out, I’m going to start giving him hints. Starting to check out I’m going to start looking at going back to school.  Finding my own way.  Being my own individual. Because I did I woke up one day feeling like I was an individual instead of part of a unit. And I really felt like okay, well, we no longer have so much in common we kind of are always fighting.  Like it wasn’t a joyous place to be anymore.

And we had been very lucky our entire lives to be so in love with each other so deeply. But it’s also a sharp blade because the minute you quit getting fed that that love.  The minute you feel like it’s, you know, it’s no longer there. You start questioning yourself.  You start questioning the entire time you spent with that person.

Little Kaninchen

Like have I just wasted all these years of my life?  All kinds of craziness start going through your head. So I started taking control of our entire, entire relationship.  And saying, “Well, I guess I’m going to start checking out”.  I’m gonna start leaving him these hints. And then one day, I’m gonna sit him down. And I’m going to talk to him. And I’m going to say, you know what, I love you. We’ve had a good run at it. But I think I’m done. And that’s truly what was going through my mind.

Mr Fox   28:18

That is our journey. That’s basically what happened. But to back that up three steps. What had happened is lk had created these expectations in her mind that when I do this, he’s going to show me this reaction.  He’s going to spend the day with me.  He’s going to take me to dinner.  He’s going to whatever that X, Y and Z would have been, lk had in her mind, I’m going to do these wonderful things for him. And he’s going to react appropriately. Well, I appreciated the wonderful things but never changed my course I didn’t realize that is what she was doing.

Little Kaninchen  28:52

I thought if I said certain things directly, he would be so angry with me and we do nothing but fight. And when we when we would get into something, I just shut down and I just walk away. And then I completely shut them out for weeks. Like until I felt like I could talk to him again. So, you know, that’s that was our norm. And it was because I was running off old assumptions that he would blow up at me if I said something to him directly about ending things. So I would test all the time test, test, test, that was old assumptions and old expectations, I would test, test, test, to see if there was I was still clinging on a little bit hoping that we could fix it.

Mr Fox   29:33

And I do want to say too,

Little Kaninchen  29:35

It was a roller coaster.

Mr Fox   29:36

And the test, when you say test, that’s the expectation that we’re talking about right now. So like, if it’s a test, she’s setting an expectation. I don’t know what it is. There’s no way I’m going to pass it right. Like if you don’t know what test you’re about to take the odds of you passing the tests are almost zero. And that’s what was happening to us. And it’s a perfect segue into our next topic because lk realizes she started to do this, which so many people do, she started to set these expectations.  I would say we both equal how the other person is. And then we know each other so well, and I think we were both ways off course. But as lk was setting that expectation, something clicked in her mind, like, wait a minute.

Mr Fox

Like, I need to make sure I’m communicating. Maybe he’s not hearing me. Some of what I’ve seen in the past while talking to couples is that they may have different perceptions of the same situation. They’re just not communicating effectively. Or maybe I should say that they’re really not listening to one another. Or if I actually think about it, I would probably say that they should be asking questions to one another.  Questions of genuine curiosity to see what the other person sees, right?

To see the other person’s perspective of the situation. Because it might change their own a little bit. It might change their response and what they were going to say to that person if they understand what the other person is trying to say to them.  A great example that comes to mind. And I think we’ve all seen it, there’s a picture and written on the ground is the number six. And there’s somebody sitting there with the number six in front of them. And we can all agree 100%, that that person’s perception of that number six is accurate.

Mr Fox

It’s the truth, right? It’s the number six. But on the other side of the number six is somebody else with the number nine in front of them. And that’s 100% true as well, it’s a number nine. We would all agree to the person sitting on the other side, it’s a number nine. And that’s just one of the great analogies that I like when I think about people’s perceptions. Because somebody has a perception that doesn’t mean that one is correct and one’s not, they can both be true.

And without getting too deep in it, that would be our makeup from our past and the experiences we’ve had in life. And probably just the difference between being a mother looking at something and being a father looking at something, right? Like the truth is the same, or it could be slightly different, I guess. But all the facts remain the same. Is that a good way to put it? lk

Little Kaninchen  32:12

Absolutely. I think that we have learned in our journey and and through some of the things we’ve learned in life that each person can have their own truth. And they really can be not the same. Your truth, do you see something, we could see the exact same thing and have two separate truths.

Mr Fox   32:30

And we almost will, they’ll never be identical, they could be very close, they could be 98%, the same, but they’re never going to be identical.

Little Kaninchen  32:36

Even like D|s-M we still have separate perspectives here and there. And you’ll hear that all of our podcasts, it’s not meant as disrespect towards Mr. Fox, but I definitely will sometimes have a different perspective. And so will he and we respect that from each other.  We respect that we have a little bit different because if we were exactly the same, it wouldn’t, it wouldn’t work. It meshes because we have different expectations.

Mr Fox   33:02

I think we can all agree that proper communication is paramount in a healthy relationship. And if you’re listening to this and have never heard of downtime before, I would recommend that you go to either one of our sites, search the term, and read about what we call downtime. It’s all about proper communication. lk, you’d mentioned respect a minute ago, and again, it just happens to lead right into the next thing that I want to discuss. And that would be the loss of respect in a relationship. I hear men talk about this all the time. I think we all do. I don’t know how you would escape this. But some people feel in their relationship some men feel as though they’re not respected anymore. And newsflash, you may not be respected anymore for multiple reasons.

Many men in today’s society feel somehow belittled or emasculated. They feel emasculated by their woman.  They feel emasculated by society. Everywhere we look today, there seems to be something about how our masculinity is under attack. You have toxic masculinity, you have the red pill, blue pill, you have something don’t give any fucks or don’t give a fuck or whatever that message is supposed to be. I don’t necessarily agree with masculinity is under attack by women in general. But there are many factors that play into why many men are no longer taking the lead. There’s the obvious thousand-pound gorilla in the room.

Mr Fox

And that would be feminism. Why? I believe that feminism is important and that women need to have equal rights, equal say, and equality in every arena. I also believe that it has unintentionally allowed men to become weaker. Notice that I didn’t say that it made men weaker. It didn’t take anything away from us.  Feminism didn’t take anything from any of us. Nope. We’ve done that to ourselves.

There’s not really enough time to get into this further. But for now, let’s just leave it there. We cannot blame anyone or any group of people, or a movement for our inability to be effective men. We need to own our situation and become better for ourselves, our families, and for submissives. Not because we have something to prove to someone, but because we can and should realize our potential as human beings.  We should all have the desire to succeed. If this is true, then what has caused our loss of masculinity and our desire to lead? We have allowed ourselves to become complacent, become lazy. And when challenged, we say that we are ineffective men because of some excuse. Some men say I’ve been emasculated by, fill in the blank. Right? She doesn’t allow me to be a man.

Mr Fox

Pick whatever excuse you want there’s plenty of them. But we’re allowing this to happen to ourselves. Nobody’s doing it. Nobody’s forcing it on us. We’re taking a comfortable path. It’s an excuse. I don’t need to lead. When we think about it, when feminism came about, there’s going to need to be some sort of mindset shift on everyone’s part.

Mr Fox

Just like when you begin a D|s-M relationship, there’s a learning process, a learning curve. A stronger woman in no way indicates a weaker man. Why do so many men feel threatened by a strong woman? That’s the real question. I want lk to be strong, especially in my absence to be a strong, self-sufficient, powerful woman, a great leader, a great influencer of others.  I’m proud of lk and her remarkable strengths.  Which by the way, most of her strengths complement my own.

What I mean by that is her strengths, the places she excels at are probably my weaknesses. This is how I see a healthy, successful relationship. It’s called teamwork. I’m not threatened by her. I want her to be strong and powerful. Just like she wants me to be strong and powerful. Let’s not fear our lady’s strength. Let’s rise to the challenge. Stop setting your bar by the guy’s bar next to you set your own bar, set your own goals, your own expectations of yourself and become that man.

And if you’re looking for permission to be a better man, you’ll likely wait your entire life. Becoming a better person a better man, a has DOM is 100% up to you. And lk, I’m gonna get down off my soapbox, quit preaching here. But you can tell that this is pretty passionate to me. I don’t like excuses. We have no excuses. We all need to own our shit and be better people. So even with that said, Now, what else do you have for us? lk, where should we go from here?

Little Kaninchen  37:58

I have to remind everybody, if you want to hear more about the passion that Mr. Fox has about this subject, you can always get on husDOM and chat with him about it or email him about it. It’s something that’s close to his heart, as you can tell.  Very passionate about it. But we’re gonna move on now. And we’re going to talk about the loss of intimacy.

Okay, and I’m not talking just loss of sexual interest. Okay, I’m going to talk about the loss of intimacy, emotional intimacy. And I don’t know if a lot of people understand what emotional intimacy is, but you basically have lost the feeling that that person has your back, they’ll be there for you, no matter what.  That they care about what you think, what you feel. That’s emotional intimacy,

Mr Fox   38:43

You know, I was just thinking that before you explain what emotional intimacy was, you had lost all the men listening to the podcast, so I’m glad you’re gonna explain it.

Little Kaninchen  38:52

Well, emotional intimacy is the number one thing that all of us really want. Men think they really just want the physical intimacy, but they don’t. They want that unknown trust that their wife will give them and the only way their wife is going to give them that trust is if you give us that emotional trust that you have our back.

That you care about us, that you want to feel for us that you want to, you know, be there for us no matter what. So if we don’t get that you guys don’t get the physical and many times men can’t give emotional until they get to physical so it’s an ongoing trend of men meaning physical to get to the emotional and women wanting the emotional, but the only way we’re, you know, we have to go through the emotional get to get to the physical.

Mr Fox   39:35

You know, I want to say that when you talk about that men want unconditional trust from their wives like that trust in our ability to lead.  Like that is a steroid for us guys like that’s a power pill.  When we have that we feel invincible and like we’ve talked about that many times and I’ve talked about it on husDOM, like when we started the D|s dynamic, and I started feeling and recognizing that trust  Like I told lk, like, I feel like nothing can stop me. It’s like the opposite of kryptonite. What would that be? What did Superman do? It wasn’t spinach? Right? I guess it’s spinach,

Little Kaninchen  40:11

Popeyes spinach.

Mr Fox   40:11

Yeah, there we go. That’s, that’s a good analogy.

Little Kaninchen  40:15

Yeah. And like I said, I think that really what that trust and whatever that men really need, what it comes down to is we both want emotional intimacy. And D|s-M will give you it will give the women a way to get through physical intimacy to get what they want from their husbands is that emotional intimacy. So, loss of intimacy, let’s get back on track. So loss of intimacy happens.  Emotional intimacy it hurts the worst when you wake up, and you feel like that person no longer has your back or no longer cares about your back or your front.

Then there’s the loss of physical intimacy. You know, that’s the loss of sexual interests, not having sex. Many times and I have a funny story, I always tell everybody that, you know, as the years went on, before we found D|s, and you know, we even had two children at this point, but there was many a time I watched Star Trek next generation right over top, Mr. Fox’s head.

And while we had sex, and I was in love with Jean Luke, so it’s kind of funny. I’m sure a lot of women right now are shaking their heads. Yes, they have had those moments where, you know, sex has become a duty and like a birthday blowjob like that. It just, it had gotten so bad. It was his birthday sex, and it was like, Hey, can we do it during the commercial? Can I pretend the orgasm happens with by the time the commercials up?

Mr Fox   41:47

And I’ll say to that, like, while we’re having sex, she’s watching TV over my shoulder, like, I didn’t give a shit either, right? Like, I’m like, whatever, you can read a book, you can like, its not imporatnt.

Little Kaninchen  41:57

I’m not gonna get it for another six months. So getting I better get it while I can.

Mr Fox   42:01

Im in my own world here, you just keep, you do you and I’ll do you too.

Little Kaninchen  42:07

Yes, that’s exactly. The awful. I mean, sitting back, we’re laughing about it. But honestly, I think later, there was many, many nights I cried about it.

Mr Fox   42:17

But how true is it? And I’ll bet you that this is true for so many other people. So yes, super sad. We’re laughing about it today. But hopefully, spreading the word a little bit.

Little Kaninchen  42:25

Also crying about it, I understand. But, um, but you know, physical loss of intimacy. And as we get older, there’s certain things that it isn’t just the mind that has shut off. There’s a change in hormones, there’s a reptile dysfunction, there’s menopause. You know, there’s all these things that men and women have to go through as we get older. And that might have a lot to do with midlife awakenings, and midlife crisis, you know.

So, you know, with all of these subjects, our focus is on both our communities is we help deal and manage with all the mental and physical things with these issues. You can still have just as an example, you can still have great sex even if you right in the middle of something great a scene and you have erectile dysfunction you know, disorder. So you can there are ways to make sure that you know, the scene and the play goes on even though those I don’t even like to call them failures, I just like to think that there’s a workaround to everything there.

Mr Fox   43:27

That’s a great way to put it because there’s a workaround everything, that’s exactly the best way to put it right. And once you start doing scenes, and if anybody listening has done a scene, like they know that you’re in a scene is a constant workaround.

Little Kaninchen  43:40

Yeah,

Mr Fox   43:40

Nothing is happening as you had planned.

Little Kaninchen  43:42

Yes, yes. And you will learn that pretty quick and you shouldn’t get down about it. You just have to say, Hey, we’re gonna work on this and work on it together. And we’re gonna find a way to make this freaking fantastic.

Mr Fox   43:53

We’re gonna turn it into Plan B, C, D, E, F, to get to like double E.

Little Kaninchen  43:59

Yes, I’m just saying like, that’s the way this whole work thing works. And, and there is a certain shamefulness to menopause, a certain shamefulness to Ed. And we try and help bring people to bring it out into the light and not just keep it inside. I mean, I think it’s a very real thing. And many, many of our couples deal with these issues.

Mr Fox   44:20

Well, yeah, I don’t have a statistic. But I mean, the thing is, is that we’re all going to live, we’re all living with them, or we probably will experience them. I mean, they’re so real, right? And I honestly don’t know, this is how little I know. But all women go through menopause.

Little Kaninchen  44:36

Yes.

Mr Fox   44:36

Right?

Little Kaninchen  44:36

And I’ll tell you, I have started going through the last year and I never knew what you know, I had many women on the site that spoke about menopause. So I had a little bit of education from the ones that were already going through it and I had not gone through it yet. So I’m kind of late to the party. So you know, now I’m going through it and I know I can identify and add my two cents to what’s happening to me because everybody’s just a little bit different. But we all still are having the effects that these things are causing us.

Mr Fox   44:47

And I don’t know, statistically, I’m not prepared for this. But I would venture to guess that most men, if not every man will experience some erectile dysfunction somewhere in his life. So maybe it hasn’t happened yet. Maybe it will. And I would think statistics are very high. So that’s just the reality that we all live with that menopause and Ed are gonna play a part somewhere in our sexual lives at some time.

Little Kaninchen  45:32

Absolutely. And we both have fitness groups that have lots of ideas, how to deal and manage with these issues. Because they’re all middle aged issues, all those you know, things that come up that we have questions about.  In these groups, you can ask questions, you’ll get answers, maybe not the perfect answer, but you’ll get answers or you at least get somebody says, Hey, I went through that last month. Or, hey, this happened last time in our scene, and this is what we did. It’s not that the answer maybe but it is something, it’s something you can work from.

Mr Fox   46:09

Its the absolute power of a community in my mind, because most likely, when you feel like you’re the only person on the planet going through something when you throw it out there, there’s somebody that’s had, nobody’s walked in your shoes, nobody has the same exact experience, but somebody may have experienced something with some similarities that you can draw from or maybe somebody is going through the exact same thing, right, then who knows.  But having a community and I was gonna say, of men or of dominants, I think helps so much when we are, you know, curious about something, whether it’s a new toy, or a reaction that somebody had, or something going on.

Little Kaninchen  46:49

Yeah, and basically, like, like Mr. Fox just mentioned, the community and these groups give you somebody else that you can trust with what you’re actually going through. And that that’s a segue right into our next issue with the different foundations and that you lose in a marriage or can lose in marriage. And the next one is the loss of trust. And it’s a biggie. How many thousands of women and men we’ve spoken to about it, and many times I get the same kind of story on the loss of trust, and it makes me sad, but you can recover from it.

And D|s-M can help you, along with maybe some coaching and therapy. I mean, it really can help. But the loss of trust, usually what people say, when they say he lost my trust, or she lost my trust, it means that there’s been some type of infidelity. And many times, because of the great information highway online, many people fall for that.

Little Kaninchen

Here, I’m a dominant, I’m going to train you how your sir should act, or how he should be with you. And he’s talking to a submissive or a woman. And pretty soon what happens is you’re having an emotional affair with somebody online. And I don’t know how many times I get that story, where my husband had an emotional affair, or I had an emotional affair with somebody online. I started having feelings for them. And then my husband picks up my phone and sees my texts or gets online and sees my conversations with this person.

Little Kaninchen

And I totally destroyed his trust, or he’s destroyed my trust, what do I do? We want to do D|s together, but I just, you know, I’m always thinking he’s going to cheat on me. And, you know, at D|s-M we’re monogamous. Our partners only have eyes for each other. Um, you know, and a lot of people say, you know that if their husband or wife had an affair, they would rather it be a physical affair.  Go out, have sex with the person, and leave it at that and forget about it.

Rather than an emotional affair is an affair of the heart.  You get to know the person, it kind of lasts usually a lot longer. It’s something that hurts worse than maybe a physical one. But you can get past it. And, you know, D|s-M is not the exact fix for that. But with a little bit of help a little bit of, you know, help, maybe therapy, maybe, you know, maybe D|s-M can be a part of helping you guys get it back together.

Mr Fox   49:33

I’m going to add a little bit to the trust factor before we move on. And I think it’s obvious to everybody, but it is super obvious to me, like I think between lk and myself. That’s one thing that we’ve valued greatly is the trust to make sure that we maintain the trust for one another. So like trust is something that we’ve built over a lifetime, right?

Trust isn’t something that you, you get from somebody that you just met, I call that grace. Right? You meet a new friend, they’re offering you grace, it’s not trust, trust you build over time.  It takes a long time to build serious trust and it takes the blink of an eye to destroy it.  So, I always have kept that in the front of my mind when there’s temptations or things like that. And I’ve held true to that. You can’t take shit back, you just can’t take it back. I think that trust is probably one of the most important attributes of a relationship, and we should protect it with almost everything that we have.

Little Kaninchen  50:46

It’s truly built in your character.

Mr Fox   50:48

Yeah. So and like lk said, you know, you can rebuild trust, but it is a long, hard, hard road to ever rebuild it, and it won’t look like it did before I dont think.. That’s just my opinion.   You know, it would be a different level or different form of trust. It truly is. And you would have to take D|s-M very seriously and wipe that slate clean and get those skeletons out. And many times when people purge, and wipe the slate clean, that’s what happens, they found out that their partner had an infidelity.

Or they finally say, I’m going to tell him, I’m going to tell him tonight that I had an infidelity. And then what happens if he leaves me, you know, very serious issue. But you know, I think that we covered that pretty well because everybody’s situation is totally different.

Mr Fox

But that’s the foundational issues that we have found. But there’s the last one I kind of left on here is some people come they have a great marriage, it’s just gotten kind of, you know, boring.  predictable,  Predictable, you know, but they, but they really do have a great marriage all at all. But there’s been a lull, there have been people come just to learn to be a better lover.

That’s what it comes down to. And so many people don’t even know what being a lover is.  What is a lover? I will, I’ll just ask all of you out there to go and look it up and look at the definition, you know, lover or you think sex. But it’s not all that it’s so much more than that, I should say, I don’t know if anybody knows this, but the brain is the largest sexual organ, where the mind goes, the body will always follow.  Ture

Little Kaninchen  52:32

So mentally, you can you almost mentally need to become a better lover first, before you can get the body of you or the body of somebody else, you know, getting better physically and mentally as a lover. So and then people come because physically, they want to learn new sexual techniques.

And in D|s-M we focus on BDSM. But we also include things like tantric Kama Sutra, bringing the use of skills like massage, meditation, and breathing exercises, you know, to make your sexual experiences and your relationships so much better. So, really, the whole idea of D|s-M is giving everyone the best overall sexual experience of the mind, body, and soul.  So or spirit, most the time, sometimes I use them and soul and spirit are together.

Mr Fox   53:23

Do you know what you just described right there, though? And that section?  You just described one of our events, with the workshops and the people that come and the skills that we’re trying to get better at during one of our events. But go ahead I didn’t mean interrupt you.

Little Kaninchen  53:41

Just like your favorite food, our box comes with a warning.

Mr Fox   53:45

What box is that lk?

Little Kaninchen  53:47

Our box.

Mr Fox   53:49

That’s my box.

Little Kaninchen  53:51

But we do come with a warning. And after helping thousands of couples, we know this method doesn’t work for everyone for several different reasons. I like to think of D|s-M as a woman, a roll Moody, dark, finicky, bitchy woman. And you have to make friends with her. She will ebb and flow. She can be there solid one minute and translucent, the next may even disappear on you altogether until your circumstances are just right for her to come back and appear, once again. This is hard work, but you get to play just as hard.

Mr Fox   54:30

Amen.

Little Kaninchen  54:32

So that brings me to timing. Because D|s-M she can be real finicky about this.  But timing, the dynamic is all about timing. It may not be the right time in your marriage or in your current stage of life. Optimal time with most couples which I found is empty nest or almost empty nest, like Mr. Fox and myself.  The kiddos the younger ones that used to depend on your care no longer depend on you.  You know you become that individual that sexual energy again, and timing its all about timing. Many couples, many couples get to a stage, and their parents come to live with them, or they have grandchildren that come to live with them. You know, or your child moves back in, we have that all of the time.

Mr Fox   55:26

NOOO

Little Kaninchen  55:28

We have that all the time.

Mr Fox   55:29

I hope this isn’t my future.

Little Kaninchen  55:31

So yeah, so you know, you just have sometimes people have to stop or just become what I like to refer to bedroom or weekend, warriors is kind of like how I like to put it.  Where, you know, they have to get away to be their roles. And there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with being weekend warriors, or just bedroom.  Things just come out natural just as easily,  again, it’s about the workaround.

Mr Fox   56:01

That’s where I would go with it too. Like, once you are, I hear so often. And I’ve heard lk say this now for so many years. But like, once we’ve gone down this path, a couple of steps, there is no going back.

So even when circumstances change, even if some of those circumstances would change on our part, it’s not like, at least for us, it’s not like it would stop and start again, someday, we would just change, right, it would be the plan B that we talked about, we would just alter what we’re doing a little bit to accommodate whatever else changed in our lives.

Little Kaninchen  56:35

And it’s an easy way we know, it’s way easier said than done, believe me, some of my best friends hard work, you know, they you it’s like changing the whole scenario again of what you are doing.

Mr Fox   56:50

But really, it is hard work. And that’s what we’re doing every day, like our lives are changing a little bit, constantly, all the time. It’s not just like, once you’re, once you’re D|s and you’re surfing that sweet spot of the wave, I’m not a surfer, I have no idea what I’m talking about. But it’s not that you can just hold perfectly still and everything is going to go great. It’s like you have to constantly be changing and adapting and learning together to make your relationship grow.

Little Kaninchen  57:17

Right. And I’m kind of talking to the people that are a little bit older on the range the to the younger ones that have little small children. Again, it’s okay, you can do D|s be the weekend warrior, be Bedroom only, but it’s way harder with smaller children to be able to do that. Because I remember when I had two smaller, younger children, and I thought it was super fantastic when I actually get in the shower, and even just smell good was sexy.

So you know, it’s harder to do this when you have little children around that actually depend on you. Because as society teaches us, we give everything to our children or husbands we leave nothing for us. So you really have to get to the stage of life where you can allow yourself to be sexy again.  To be able to put your focus on you again.

Mr Fox   58:09

See, lk, now you’re starting to think like a man, if I take a shower, like I’m all I’m sexy now.

Little Kaninchen  58:15

Well, that’s how it used to be for me.  But, but then it brings me to when you and your partner can now again focus on yourself and your marriage, making it number one with both of you.

Because if you have little kids, it’s impossible to do that. So if your kids a little bit older, or you know you’re getting ready to be empty nesters so you then again can focus on making your marriage and yourselves number one. You also have to be, I have to mention this, you have to be a place in life where you can spend a little money on yourselves, travel gifts, sex toys, and tools. They’re not cheap. You know, you can make a few at home.

Mr Fox   58:55

It was a small fortune. And we do right it’s our money. We have and I’m not even sure I can say small fortune anymore. We have a lot of money and toys.

Little Kaninchen  59:04

Yeah, it adds up. But you really because like I said, you just say you have to focus on the marriage and focus on your roles and focus on the dynamic again. And that’s not an inexpensive thing to do. You can there are things you can do you do not have to be Christian Grey, and Anastasia with a jet and all the money that you can spend, you don’t have to be that. But you do have to have that state of mind. It makes it way more fun. So just a little bit of liquid assets to move around for you to have a little fun with is always good.

Mr Fox   59:35

And I would say the state of mind is success. Right? A leader, somebody with influence, like that, ‘s the state of mind she’s talking about.

Little Kaninchen  59:44

Yeah. And then I have to go into you know what the as long as I’m doing these warnings right on the box, we’re going back to the box again. But..

Mr Fox   59:54

I never want to leave the box.

Little Kaninchen  59:55

The skeletons and can of worms that I’m talking about. You’re going to be open putting up a can of worms that once released, you cannot go back. This is the beginning of magic or could be the beginning of the end of a marriage. Okay, so you have to really accept your marriage’s true course. And cleaning the slate purging, as I mentioned earlier, you know, you’re all ready to purge everything about yourself. But every woman doesn’t realize or every man doesn’t realize, wait, there’s a second part to this, the other person is going to purge to me.

Little Kaninchen

You’re so in your mind about purging about yourself that you’re not even you could be totally swept off your feet by what the other person is going to purge to you. So it’s very important, you know, to get your mind right, clean the slate purge, and get your foundation ready to build on so.

Many times this dynamic can be a last resort for couples. I’ve seen marriages come back from the dead. But if the love is lost, and the marriage is broken completely, you may have to say goodbye. Are you ready for that? But honestly, wouldn’t you want to know now instead of two years from now.  You still could have time to find another soulmate. So I just have to give a little warning about that. But I brought us down a bit. So let me lift us back up again.

Mr Fox   1:01:09

Please.

Little Kaninchen  1:01:09

Let’s talk about the D|s-M magic. The magic that is brought on by this wonderful dynamic.  So this is your key Mr. Fox to start singing magic. The Magic song.

Mr Fox   1:01:22

I don’t really know it, but we can try you ready? Can you give me some sort of beat? I see doo doo.

Little Kaninchen  1:01:29

You can do magic.

Mr Fox   1:01:31

Oh, that’s right. You can have anything your heart desires.

Little Kaninchen  1:01:37

Okay, that wasn’t magic.

Mr Fox   1:01:39

Magic..  Come on, sing it with me. You know, you’re the one who can put out the fire.

Little Kaninchen  1:01:46

Okay, that was enough of that.  D|s-M gives you options. Like you both customize your marriage and make it into what you both really desire. And putting it into that singing was exactly what I desired.

Mr Fox   1:02:01

We’re gonna cut that out for sure.

Little Kaninchen  1:02:05

You can do magic, that was enough. That would have been magic.

Mr Fox   1:02:08

You can do magic.

Little Kaninchen  1:02:09

Yeah, there you go. We also have community events, not just the workshops, but true immersive events, that everyone gets to meet up, make friends and attend all kinds of this Wonderland fun. We call them immersive excursions. So if you only get to be roles just once a year, truly be them. You will have this time to enjoy your roles.

Many of us have many years in our marriage, we get one life to live.  Live it, live it with your soulmate.  Make what you have, and what you’ve built over all of these years, make it special. Why would you want to stay in a marriage or stay in some type of dynamic that isn’t magical?  You have the power, both you and your husband or you and your wife have the power to make your marriage something spectacular.

Mr Fox   1:02:59

Speaking of magic,  there have been a couple crazy things that have happened to lk and I since we began our journey.  I’m going to share some of them. lk.

Little Kaninchen  1:03:11

That would be great.

Mr Fox   1:03:12

I’m trying to think of which dinner and how to get into that.

Little Kaninchen  1:03:14

There are so many.

Mr Fox   1:03:15

Like where to begin that.  I’m just going to share a couple of them.  The one that probably sticks out in my mind the most is when we were probably a year into D|s maybe. And we were back visiting friends and family. And we gathered many of our friends together and had a night out at a really nice restaurant. You know what I’m talking about, lk?. What was the name of the restaurant? I forget who it was?

Little Kaninchen  1:03:45

I’m not gonna say it because there’s only one of them.

Mr Fox   1:03:47

Oh. I didnt…

Little Kaninchen  1:03:48

It is a very ritzy seafood restaurant.

Mr Fox   1:03:52

Yes, I was like, gave my version of what I thought it was. I didn’t realize there was only one. So..

Little Kaninchen  1:03:57

There’s no one.  We won’t do that then.  But lk, and I were sitting at the heads of this table with all of our friends. We were having a great time that night, and just being ourselves. And in the course of that night, I think before the main course was actually served. Somebody comes over to the table. They walk right up to me, they introduce themselves, they hand me a business card and they own a winery in California. And they wanted to supply our table that night with free wine.

Mr Fox   1:04:33

From their vineyard. Yeah, they were there. I don’t know what you’d call it, but they’re doing business with that restaurant. So they happen to be there. Introduce his wife to us. We’re out pretty much with vanilla people. I mean, I almost believe everybody there knows what we do. But my point is we weren’t doing anything or behaving in any manner that would let anybody know that.

We have some kind of Spark.  Some kind of extra in a relationship, but it was I believe it was clear to that person there were probably 10 people at the table he came to me introduce them to us wanted to know if you know we would accept their free wine it’s like are you kidding me of course.

The same evening somebody else it was another couple the same evening bought our entire table rounds of champagne. This kind of stuff. That’s extreme to me. But we’ve had other times we’ve been in another local restaurant where somebody purchased our whole dinner the waitress just said you know it was paid for by somebody from the bar

Little Kaninchen  1:05:45

They said they noticed how much in love you guys are.

Mr Fox   1:05:48

Thats right.

Little Kaninchen  1:05:48

And instead of sitting across from each other you sit beside each other and and there’s the they could see your feet touching and stuff so I was thinking oh my gosh, what else did they see touching under the table?

Mr Fox   1:05:59

Someone is looking a little too closely at my lk.

Little Kaninchen  1:06:01

Yeah, but um, but yeah, like I was scared to go back out in the parking lot because I didn’t know if there would be somebody waiting It was so uncommon like I was like, oh, wow, I see it. Oh, take a drink over to so and so. But no, this was our entire dinner was paid for.

Mr Fox   1:06:18

These types of things never happened to us before we were D|s but I really do think that it’s I don’t know if lk is putting off a fair amount and people are you know mesmerized by it or if they just see some kind of connection that we have and work together. But I do believe that it’s maybe it’s not tangible but it maybe it’s a feeling people can experience.  I’m not really sure what it is but.

Little Kaninchen  1:06:44

Many times it’s like a human pheromone which is like a sexual scent or attraction. And you’ll notice that people even look start looking at your partner a little closer.

Mr Fox   1:06:54

Hey Now..

Little Kaninchen  1:06:54

And that’s the truth I’ve seen it over and over and over again I think that when you become a dominant like a husband becomes a husDOM and I think he carries himself with more of a controlled manner, more of a confident manner and I think that attracts women and then on top of it he has that big D on his forehead that and I don’t mean dick I mean big dominant.

But you know they have that behind them and I think that is sexy and I think they put off a pheromone just like we do we put off a pheromone.  I noticed a lot more men paying attention to me because Mr. Fox is paying that much attention to me.

Mr Fox   1:07:35

You think about it, there’s probably a lot to that part right there. Somebody’s happiness, right? Like, what are you attracted to? Are you attracted to the person that looks like they’re having a horrible day? And is short and snappy? Most likely not. Unless you’re a therapist, and it’s like a lawyer chasing an ambulance.

Little Kaninchen  1:07:52

Let me give them a card.

Mr Fox   1:07:55

Or you attracted that person that feels successful? And has that look of accomplishment and success. And I’m not talking about airplanes and stuff I’m talking about when you reach a point of comfort with yourself and who you are, and you’re setting goals for yourself. And you are that person that you want to be that is success. And I think that shows and when you are in love with your partner, I think that shows as well. I think other people pick up on it. And they are attracted to that naturally. I think most of us are. I would be.

Little Kaninchen  1:08:29

Yeah, I think so too. I think we’re all kind of probably attracted to the happier more confidentt person, though

Mr Fox   1:08:36

Because that it the life that you want.

Little Kaninchen  1:08:37

That is a pheromone though, you’ll notice it way more after you start that you know you’re getting, you’re both getting a lot of attention. And you’re okay with it. And he hasn’t even mentioned Mr. Fox, didnt even mention the multiple people send us drinks, when we go places. It is just amazing. But that brings us basically now when we’re talking to everybody out there,  So what do you do now?

We’ve kind of covered a lot of information really fast and we go into it deeper in our communities on our sites and our articles and our video chats and everything. So what do you do now? And I would say now would be the time to you know, register on one of our communities join our communities. Our communities, again are separated, husDOM is for dominance or Dommes while some subMrs is for submissives, male or female. So I would say join the communities and just get a taste.

Mr Fox   1:09:40

And I’m going to add on to that when she says like it says submissive only community it truly is. It’s protected by the ladies.  They I guess they don’t allow any drama. There are no trolls, ladies are safe there to be themselves and to seek camaraderie from other women and not have to worry about the openness of the internet.

Little Kaninchen  1:10:06

And the dominant side is his husband’s being able to speak freely about what’s going on with them what’s going on with their wives freely and, and no judgment. And you just kind of put it out there and do you know, just like subMrs it’s about support husDOM is about supporting one another, being there for each other, through whatever you’re happening to go through.

Mr Fox   1:10:30

I’m going to say to that, like, years of doing this, lk and I’ve been doing this for years, and like, I’ve grown or come to realize the value of community, and it’s probably the most valuable thing we would have to offer somebody. And when lk says support to a lot of guys are, you know, like we think of emotional support or, you know, something that we think we might not relate to. But the support is also accountability. That’s the biggest thing for me. Like, I think that men are driven by setting a goal and having something hold them accountable to the goal.

Mr Fox

And I think being in a group of men, or dominants, that share similar goals. Maintaining that communication with those other men, those other dominants, I think really helps hold us to our accountability of becoming that person of achieving that goal of being that dominant, or that husDOM that we truly want to be. Otherwise, life creeps in, gets in the way, and steals our moments. And I think that happens to so many people, right? Because that’s called real life. But surround yourself with a group of people that you want to become.

They even say that right? Like a lot of successful people in business will come back and say, Well, one of the things I suggest is surrounding yourself with people that you want to become like, surround yourself, you want to be successful, surround yourself with successful people. And that’s what I would say that the community truly is, and I don’t think enough people really truly use it for the value that’s there. Do you want to be a husDOM, surround yourself with people with the same goal and people that are husDOM’s and it’s you’re naturally going to gravitate and become a husDOM.

Little Kaninchen  1:12:14

That’s so that is so true. And same with subMrs, you know, you really do become supported, and you make friends and it’s all comfortable. And, and I do again have to say it’s like riding a two-person bicycle. You know, many times the wife jumps on the front seat, she pedals as fast as you can. I’ve written many articles about it. But you know, basically, it’s a two-person bicycle, you both, you know, have to pedal and pedal hard and keep it moving. So, but I want to talk a little bit about the sites and what they have to offer. So our communities, the number one thing I have to say to them or value is if you struggle, their support.

Little Kaninchen

The camaraderie that’s that’s what these communities really are about. So we also have several chat rooms on the sites. Live video chats every single month, topic and non topic driven. We have groups on our sites that you can join, you know, because sometimes we label a little bit and say we like this or we like that.

And some groups really focus on those things like, you know, pain play or being a little princess and role-playing those types of things. master-slave role play, I mean, there are so many groups that subMrs has to offer, you know. And so we even have some misses, we have something a library book club. So many times when subMrs are asked, Well, how did you meet this person? Well, I met them in a book club. It’s that simple. So we have a book club that you know, has live video chats, we talk about the books, we experienced the books, we talk about the inspiration that comes from books.

Little Kaninchen

That’s so that is so true. And same with subMrs, you know, you really do become supported, and you make friends and it’s all comfortable. And, and I do again have to say it’s like riding a two-person bicycle. You know, many times the wife jumps on the front seat, she pedals as fast as you can. I’ve written many articles about it.

But you know, basically, it’s a two-person bicycle, you both, you know, have to pedal and pedal hard and keep it moving. So, but I want to talk a little bit about the sites and what they have to offer. So our communities, the number one thing I have to say to them or value is if you struggle, their support.  The camaraderie that’s what these communities really are about. So we also have several chat rooms on the sites. Live video chats every single month, topic, and non-topic driven.

Little Kaninchen

That’s so that is so true. And same with subMrs, you know, you really do become supported, and you make friends and it’s all comfortable. And, and I do again have to say it’s like riding a two-person bicycle. You know, many times the wife jumps on the front seat, she pedals as fast as you can. I’ve written many articles about it.

But you know, basically, it’s a two-person bicycle, you both, you know, have to pedal and pedal hard and keep it moving. So, but I want to talk a little bit about the sites and what they have to offer. So our communities, the number one thing I have to say to them or value is if you struggle, their support.  The camaraderie that’s what these communities really are about. So we also have several chat rooms on the sites. Live video chats every single month, topic, and non-topic driven.

Little Kaninchen

We have groups on our sites that you can join, you know, because sometimes we label a little bit and say we like this or we like that. And some groups really focus on those things like, you know, pain play or being a little princess and role-playing those types of things. master-slave role play, I mean, there are so many groups that subMrs has to offer, you know. And so we even have subMrs, we have something a library book club. So many times when subMrs are asked, Well, how did you meet this person? Well, I met them in a book club. It’s that simple. So we have a book club that you know, has live video chats, we talk about the books, we experienced the books, we talk about the inspiration that comes from books.

Mr Fox   1:14:11

Which is becoming really successful, I would say in the last year or so it’s becoming really organized really successful. And I also want to say that they also have interviewed some of these authors and invited them to some of these book club chats that she’s talking about. So some of the authors have actually shown up and you could do Q&A with them, which I think is amazing.

Little Kaninchen  1:14:34

Yeah, we we’ve been super successful and I have some of the best librarians on the face of the earth, just like I have the best subMrs in the world on there. But both of our sites have articles.  We’ve written about the journey we’ve written about topic we’ve written about our own, you know, successes and failures.

We also offer you’ll get advice and mentoring from subMrs and husDOM’s that already have been doing this a while though seasoned ones, you will be able and if it’s in your heart to help others, you’ll be able to have the chance to maybe be an ambassador for one of our sites to help mentor and advise, you know, others, it’s sometimes that’s what keeps a subMrs going is by helping others through, you know, finding their way and their journey.

Mr Fox   1:15:23

Pay it forward.

Little Kaninchen  1:15:23

Yeah, paying it forward is we really, you know, use that a lot. So, again, and Mr. Fox and I offer mentoring. And I just can’t say enough about the camaraderie that we offer. With other couples, we have so many couples that, you know, personally vacation together, they take their families on vacation

together, it’s just a wonderful place to be. And it’s real. This is real, this isn’t something that’s fake. It’s something you can live every single day, live the magic every single day make the magic every single day.

Mr Fox   1:16:04

I do believe that the communities are different, like different things, drive ladies then drive men. And I know that when I say that everybody’s like, of course they do. But they really do. They’re they’re a little bit different. But I can’t say enough about the community and the men that jump in, make themselves part of the community, I think find success at a much higher rate. I don’t have a statistic for that. A lot of what lk is talking about, I would say as insillery.

They’re very important there are other key features that have them as but the fact that they have a community and for those that participate in it for those guys that actually get up to the keyboard, and ask a question or make a comment or share their position. It just galvanizes what’s going on in their life, you know, the goals that they want to accomplish, the person that they want to become it just like solidifies that in their mind and they become that person. So I can’t say enough about participating within the community if you’re a guy that’s like so crucial to success. And we have many of the features that our case talking about husDOM as it is, as well.

Little Kaninchen  1:17:12

I just I have a couple more little slides in there, I’m going to say so pick up the bottle that says drink me and toss it back.

Mr Fox   1:17:19

Drink me.

Little Kaninchen  1:17:20

In other words, go ahead and drink the Kool Aid.

Mr Fox   1:17:22

I’m gonna use that line lk.

Little Kaninchen  1:17:23

Discover the method and live the dynamic is D|s-M for you, yes or no? If you’re curious, join the sights and get a better taste.

Mr Fox   1:17:31

Help us spread the message that we’re trying to spread help us get these podcasts out there. They’re brand new. If you could go when you follow us also give us a five-star rating. That’s going to help us a lot with visibility. It may seem like a very small gesture, but it’s really going to help us a lot in getting these podcasts out there and we’re really excited to start producing some content.

Little Kaninchen  1:17:53

Until next time, goodbye from Wonderland. This is lk or little condition

Mr Fox   1:17:57

and Mr.Fox

Little Kaninchen  1:17:58

Reminding you that D|s-M is the ultimate marriage accessory and marriages sexiest new secret